I am so tired again. Just finished my 24 hours duty this morning and immediately, I rushed to church with Daniel via cab. Today's sermon was good, talking about how Matthew the tax collector by his own initiative, without any training or whatsoever, he invited his fellow friends and family. He did that because he wanted to share his joy when Jesus invited him into His life to them. By using this example, my pastor promoted Billy Graham's evangelistic event that is going to be held this december, entitled "The Hope".
After which, my god brother smsed me to invite me for dim sum lunch. Without further ado, I accepted his invitation, which landed us at Vivo City's He She Hui. We spent about 100 dollars in total. The food was superb.
At about 240pm, I left Vivo City and rushed towards Dhoby Ghaut to meet my Junior College Orientation Group (OG) mates. Its been a really long since I met them. Probably, 6 months? I seriously miss them. First, we, whom consists of, Bernice, Yao Yong, Alvin, Kok Wai & me, head towards MINDS cafe for a game of settlers. Sadly, Bernice left halfway to meet "someone" for movie. The game took about 1.5 hours before someone gamed.
After which, we headed to Plaza Singapura to chill as we were waiting for a special someone, named, Dawn. But the ironic thing is, we went to arcade to chill. Soon, we left that unsuitable place and went to Carl's Junior instead to wait for Dawn. Similarly, someone left. Yao Yong left for City Hall to meet "someone" to celebrate his birthday. Happy Birthday Yao Yong!
Few minutes after Yao Yong left, Dawn came. Its been a year since I last saw her and guess what! She is still as cheerful and lovely as she was when I knew her in JC1! Immediately, the environment changed. Crazy laughter began to enter our conversation and it all felt so nostalgic, at the specific OG 21 table that we chose right infront of the mix-rice stall at SAJC of Malan Road, there was where everything began.
Every morning, breaks, etc, we will gather there and spend them together. We will keep on talking and talking and talking and... But all good things soon come to an end, when we had to separate to head for different JCs after 3 months. Those were the days.
After dinner and a really long catch-up session, Alvin went home, so left Dawn, Kok Wai & me. We went for a short shopping session with Kok Wai & me following behind Dawn. We were as if body guards of this rich lady.
Time flew really fast. I really miss the moments when we OG 21 stood strong together, while people are saying, "Huh, still OG outings?" Even though it is really tired, with more than 40 hours of non-stop action for me, it is all worth it! All hail OG 21! =]
Something that is funny to me and I really wish to share. However, there's a little explicit content in his presentation. Nonetheless, treat it clean. Presenting to you Russell Peter's remarks about British. Enjoy and hope it loosen your day's stress! =]
"I have done so much but yet I am not recognised!" "It is unfair why I get the same treatment as him/her when I put in so much more!"
Or
"I am not worthy."
Sounds familiar? I felt a deep sense of sadness as I read "The Parable of the Workers in the Vineyard" (Matthew 20) by Jesus himself. In life, many people are struggling between whether they are worthy or whether they are not worthy. It is this thought that this world instills. Everything that you do, you consider its worth, whether is it worthy for you to put in your effort into it. A very direct example, your employment. You will ask yourself these questions:
"Is the pay given to me worthy of my education level?" "Is the working hours tally to the pay given?" "Is my job scope worth getting this pay?" And the list goes on...
While some is fully worthy of themselves, there are also people of the contrary. People living in the opposite side of the world, darkness. In everything that they do, they lack self-worth. They keep questioning their abilities in everything that they do.
"For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early int he morning to hire men to work in his vineyard. He agreed to pay them a denarius for the day and sent them into his vineyard.
About the third hour he went out and saw others standing in the marketplace doing nothing. He told them, 'You also go and work in my vineyard, and I will pay whatever is right.' So they went.
He went out again about the sixth hour and the ninth hour and did the same thing. About the eleventh hour he went out and found still others standing around. He asked them, 'Why have you been standing here all day long doing nothing?'
'Because no one has hired us,' they answered. He said to them, 'You also go and work in my vineyard.'
When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his foreman, 'call the workers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last ones hired and going on to the first.'
So who do you think will be paid more? Surely the people who started working the earliest! No. This was what happened.
"The workers who were hired about the eleventh hour came and each received a denarius. So when those came who were hired first, they expected to receive more. But each one of them also received a denarius. When they received it, they began to grumble against the landowner. 'These men who were hired last worked only one hour,' they said, 'and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the work and the heat of the day.'
What is there to ask whether is it fair or not? What is there to ask whether are you worthy or not?
Under the eyes of God, everything is given to you out of grace. (Refer to Job's example of Grace) The things that you have is not yours, and never will it be. It is given since even before you were born. So what is there to complain about what is fair or not? Is not pride that is making you blind!
So what if you looked ugly? So what if you have defects? So what if you are poor? So what if you do not meet the standards of the world? So what if people diminish you worth? So what?
What is there to ask whether are you worthy or not since regardless whether you took the job first or last, you still get the same treatment from God. It is not what you have that determines who you are. It is not what you look like that determines who you are. Remember that you are incomplete, it is God that chose you and made you complete. It does not matter how people look at you, how they say about you. How can a flawful judge a flawful? God who is perfect says it all, "You are worthy in Christ."
21 km really kills. 2 days ago I was on off. My muscles did not really hurt that badly unexpectedly. Luckily, I did "some" cool down. Erm, some.
All of the sudden, something happened to my left foot, right after I finish my driving practical lesson. I could not walk. As long as I stand, I felt an intense, sharp pain in my outer left foot and every single step that I took, it hurts badly. The longest distance I can ever walk is probably 20m? Then I had to stop and rest. Not that I wanted to, once the pain reaches its threshold, my left foot stopped functioning for a few seconds. It carried on throughout for Tuesday.
This morning, I tried to walk again. Still painful but not as bad as Monday & Tuesday. Then, a crazy thought came into my mind as I was on the running rack, "Why not I try just one round?" I did, and before I could complete 100m, I limped and limped. I did not move much since. Thus, could not gauge how bad my foot is today. As for now, I still limp as I walk. I have not pray for recovery though because this pain just came all of the sudden. There may be a purpose to it. Till it is revealed, I shall wait patiently. You must be thinking, "He is crazy!"
I known of a close friend during this tough period of my. He was always there with me but I was never there with Him. When I am happy, He jumped for joy with me. When I am sad, He cried for me and comforts me. Whatever I do, He is always there. But sadly, I did not reciprocate His love for me. He is the one that Jesus Christ sent to me before Jesus himself left this Earth. He is my bestest of best friend, named, "Holy Spirit".
I am beginning to feel more of His presence, feeling Him, hearing Him, seeing His works in my life and a lot more! There is something that I will like to share to all of you that He did in my life. Today, as I was reading the bible, the book of Matthew, Chapter 17, Verse 10-13:
The disciples asked him, "Why then do the teachers of the law say that Elijah must come first?" Jesus replied, "To be sure, Elijah comes and will restore all things. But I tell you, Elijah has already come, and they did not recognize him, but have done to him everything they wished. In the same way, the Son of Man is going to suffer at their hands." Then the disciples understood that he was talking to them about John the Baptist.
Immediately, I asked myself this, "Haven't I seen it somewhere in the bible that mentions John the Baptist is Elijah? So is John the Baptist Elijah?" At this point of time, I was pondering whether if I should flip the Bible to search for this confirmation verse. However, for Pete's sake, the Bible is full of knowledge, how am I suppose to find? I was deciding to give up searching.
Then, something in me urges me to continue searching. I resisted but gave in, in the end. Thus, I asked, "Oh Holy Spirit, show it to me."
The next thing I know, my left hand flipped to this page, under the Book of Matthew, Chapter 11, verse 11-15:
I tell you the truth: Among those born of women there has not risen anyone greater than John the Baptist; yet he who is least in the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it. For all the Prophets and the Law prophesied until John. And if you are willing to accept it, he is the Elijah who was to come. He who has ears, let him hear
My conclusion after the Holy Spirit revealed to me is John the Baptist is Elijah.
Immediately, I felt a sense of security and joy and I praised and thanked the Holy Spirit for revealing to me. Thank God. =]
Indeed, times are hard and many fears just appear out of nowhere all of the sudden. All kinds of negative feelings just come into you at the split second and you find it hard to adapt to it. You just do not know what to do!? The path which leads to giving up became the brightest at that moment and you follow that lead. No! It is not the path that leads to giving up that brings you light. You have to face your fears and lostness, in order for you to find light in darkness. Does light just appear out of nowhere in the darkness of your apartment? It is you who finds the switch, the key, that leads to light.
No matter how tough it is, how much you wish to giving up, stand firm and hold it just right there. Yes, you are going against the huge current but you need to tell yourself this, "Problem, I have a Big God" instead of, "God, I have a Big Problem." By running away from the problem is like running away from the huge current, or along with the huge current. And in the direction of the current, you will only be swept away, further from the shore, which leads you to peace and safety. This is why in times like this, no matter how tough you may feel, you still have to face the problem. Do to your scenario in the opposite way in how the world will do. This is what God has revealed to me.
Emotions are just part and parcel of life. It spices life up but also brings life down. However, we need to appreciate that when it spices life up, it is a bonus but when it brings life down, it is a trial. Regardless of whichever path emotions head to, both leads to you being a better man. Trials mould you to become stronger.
It is a torment to go against the huge current. Indeed, this is what I am feeling. It is torturous, as if you were in place of Jesus Christ at the cross. Of course, it is not as bad. During the moments, you just see darkness. I believe this is what Jesus has seen. He felt like giving up, crying out to His Father his agony and pain. But He knows that through His suffering, it will lead to light. Indeed, after a long stretch of road through darkness, He found His loving Father smiling at Him, saying, "My Beloved Son, you have done your part on Earth, now come back to the right-hand side of my throne."
I am a person that has his attention deteriotes once the long-hand ticks to 9pm and a person that knocks out at 10pm. People call me the 10 o clock man. In fact, it is true because after 10pm, even though I am awake, I am a zombie, an empty shell moving but brain sleeping.
Living with so little rest these few days is really unbearable for me. I felt no sense of life in my day, till the extent of asking myself, "Is life meaningless?" In addition to that depression, comes along Army Half Marathon 21km. My god sister says that my eyes seem as if they could not open, my face's expression as if someone has died. Indeed, I am so tired with muscles aching everywhere, especially my knees. Nonetheless, not to dismay my god brother as it is his birthday celebration today, I went.
It was really an eye opener tonight. We headed to UOB tower for dinner at Sichuan Restaurant. The ambiance, the seats, the table, the presentation were high-class. Something that fascinated me was the way the waiter served us tea. It is a profession, I would say, which requires high-level of training. You might be think, what the ..? Yes, it really does.
Do you recall seeing the ancient china flask with a long "nose" protruding out from the flask? That is what that tea server used. For every single cup of tea that he pours, he presented his tea pouring skills with different stance. One of which, was the "eagle" stance. He laid the flask on his back with both of his hands protruding out, soaring like eagles. The skillful part is this, he managed to pour out the tea and yet maintain a spill less finish!
After which is the way they serve the dish called Peking Duck Roll. The chef pushed a trolley with a freshly cooked Peking duck out. Then he will sliced the skin of the duck and its meat to individual plates. Concurrently, the waitress will place the skin, meat and some vegetables into a wrap to finalize the dish. You can say that this is my first time seeing such scene.
Overall was good just that I was so tired that I could not fully appreciate the dinner. It is kind of wasted. Anyway, I ate with a celebrity. Not literally though. He was sitting a table in front of me and guess who is it? It is our local singer, Lin Jun Jie. I had many observations about him and ...
Aww crap. There's so much things happening this week in my life that I didn't really have enough rest/sleep for consecutive days. Friday I had a 24 hours duty, then came a 5 hours sleep on Saturday, and today was Army Half Marathon 21km. I am so gonna die. At one point of time, I nearly toppled over my legs to find my face on the muddy ground as my knee nearly gave in. I so love to do sports, am I gonna give up something that I love again? Am I?
This week, I came to know that my secondary school friend's story. By the way, his name is Teck Oon. He is a young, nice chap, plainly funny and innocent. He is a fond lover of God. At that time I know about him, he eats Solomon, talks about Solomon, dream about Solomon, all the works of God in Solomon. He is very active in church, etc. Basically, when I was a secondary school boy, he was someone whom I look upon spiritually. However, news just came to my ears that he changed. He began to smoke and start punching holes in his ears. When I came to know about it, I felt a deep sense of sadness in me.
Why did such happen to people like him? This is because people whom are closer to God are people whom are likely targets of the devil. Probably, he faced something more, emotionally, physically, and somehow or another, even people as strong as him gave in to temptation. I really do not wish I will end up like him. But at the rate, probably I will.
It is not easy. This period that I am going through, the steps that I thought I will take, are what many people will do. Hatred. Drink. Smoke. Sin. Club. Worst still, stray away from God. It is not that I want to. Never have I wished to but to be honest, I am at a point, easiest to give in to all these. I am a person that said, "Do not let your emotions lead you." Theoretically, I am not. But practically, I am.
They are paths that are taken by so many. It is a common flow to the wide gate. However, the bible did say that wide is the path to destruction but narrow is the path to life. I know that I know but I cannot do what I know. I have done a few things that led to wide path but as I was doing it, I know that I need to head towards the narrow path but meanwhile at the same time, I am going against God. It feels far worst that what it suppose to. I had to go against the strong current, meanwhile I am seeing myself doing things that goes against the law. It feels as if you are sinning and you do not know, yet the Holy Spirit whom is beside you is seeing it. And He grieves and tears because He witness you sinning. Another example is, you head towards home and one fine day, as you open your door, you see your love one making out without someone other than you. This is how it feels.
So someone please save me from this agony! Help me please...
Do you know you were made not solely because your parents love you and wanted you? Do you know that your first lover is not your first love? Do you know that there is someone always there for you? And that someone is not your lover? Do you know that when you sin, you feel guilt but Him is pain? He is always there. Have you forsaken Him?
You were made not out of coincidence. It is not just the spur of the moment that your parents had with one another, that you were created. But it is the Father whom created you out of love, for he wants to to build up an intimate relationship with you. Do you know?
Have you not been saved? Do you know how much troubles and pain He went through in order to get you saved? He knows we are sinners and He is willing to forgive but just by slaughtering lambs alone cannot save you forever because its a "one-time ticket" and you will just keep sinning.
Do you not know that He wants to let you see Him? But he could not. In the garden of Eden, before Man fell, Man and God interact with each another just as how we interact with one another. But Sin causes us to die if we see God. Can you imagine you loving someone so badly and yet cannot see him/her? How will you feel? This is how he feels. And do you know that the one and only way to make such happen is to sacrifice his one and only begotten son? (John 3:16) Can you imagine if you were ask to sacrifice your love one to die for some people whom you care about so much but yet they do not even care about you? How will you feel? This is how he feels. He had to ask His Son, Jesus Christ, whom He loves so much to die for you! How much agony and pain did he went through to act on the right decision?! If it was you, you surely won't! For you who live by your feelings, do not discern what is right and what is wrong. But God does!
Do you not know that how much pain he went through just by seeing you worshiping other Gods? Can you imagine the son whom you give birth to call other man, "Pa pa" and not you? Can you imagine the daughter whom you give birth to, hugs and kisses other man and not you? How will you feel? That is how he feels.
Woe to you Luke-warmers, who think you are a christian but actually you are not. Do you not know how much pain and disappointment he went through just by seeing you choosing to spend time with the world than him? Can you imagine your children choosing not to spend family time but on computer games, shopping, etc? How will you feel? This is how He feels.
Do you not know that in times when you feel agony and pain because something bad has happened to you, you cry out loud in your room, "Who is there with me to share my pain?", the Holy Spirit is there for you? Do you not know that when you hurt yourself because you feel pain, the Holy Spirit grieves for you? Do you not know that He really wishes to hug you and give you comfort but you just do not what to receive?
Do you not know that when you sin, you only feel guilty but not Him? Can you imagine He is actually there to see you sin? Can you imagine one day you come home and you see your love one making out with another man?How will you feel?
Have not His perseverance touched your heart? Is your heart made of stone? So please, do not allow yourself to prostitute yourself to the world! There is someone in this world who loves you more than anyone on Earth does. And He is the Father, the Son & the Holy Spirit, the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End. Allow Him to love you. Receive his love from this moment!
This is what He says to you, "I love you, till death do us part."
I realised my friends fell sick one by one and for each, I sent them my regards. The standard sentence which I will tell a sick person is, "Please take care of yourself. Drink lots of water & rest more!" It is not that I do not have creativity but I just do not know what else is there to say. "Congratulations?"
To say is so easy but to do is another thing. And now the person who advises is now ill & is entitled 2 days medical leave. Oh wells.
Nonetheless, I believe there's a purpose for me falling ill.
"How will I do in my universities?"
"How will my workplace be like? Will it provide a cohesive working environment?"
"Who will my spouse be?"
"When will I have a family?"
"When will I earn a million?"
The above are questions that many may ask. They are questions that prompt your mind to think about your future. But first ask yourself this, "Are you
It is absolutely normal that we wish to know our future. However, be careful about the intensity that we put in by pondering about those questions. For the more you ask, the more you worry, the more you feel your life is insecure. This is in fact an unhealthy sign because by worrying, it affects your you from performing optimally in your life, be it work, friendship, love relationship, family, etc.
MATTHEW 6:25-34 SAYS, “THEREFORE I TELL YOU, DO NOT WORRY ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WHAT YOU WILL EAT OR DRINK; OR ABOUT YOUR BODY, WHAT YOU WILL WEAR. IS NOT LIFE MORE IMPORTANT THAN FOOD, AND THE BODY MORE IMPORTANT THAN CLOTHES? LOOK AT THE BIRDS OF THE AIR; THEY DO NOT SOW OR REAP OR STORE AWAY IN BARNS, AND YET YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER FEEDS THEM. ARE YOU NOT MUCH VALUABLE THAN THEY? WHO OF YOU BY WORRYING CAN ADD A SINGLE HOUR TO HIS LIFE?”
“FOR THE PAGANS RUN AFTER ALL THESE THINGS, AND YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER KNOWS THAT YOU NEED THEM. BUT SEE FIRST HIS KINGDOM AND HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS, AND ALL THESE THINGS WILL BE GIVEN TO YOU AS WELL. THEREFORE DO NOT WORRY ABOUT TOMORROW, FOR TOMORROW WILL WORRY ABOUT ITSELF. EACH DAY HAS ENOUGH TROUBLE OF ITS OWN.
God knows what we need in our daily life and He promises us that he will provide for we are even more precious to Him than the birds of the air. However, seek Him first by not worry. Entrust single bit of your life to Him. Surrender! Allow Him to worry about your tomorrow, your future. Will not the Father take good care of His child's future? If an Earthly father does that, what more will be our Heavenly Father?
I've been worrying too much lately - my work, my life. This verse was spoken to me by the Holy Spirit and it encourages me a lot. Hope it does to your life too!
Today was quite relax because the course is ending. However, something that displeased me is that there was internal conflict between course mates. As much as I wish to punish them, I did not. However, may God judge them. May the righteous be set free and the unrighteous be not scot free.
Alright. There's a small video clip that I will like to share with all of you. Hopefully, it will liften your mood. Its a song sang by a lady in Music Idol, entitled Ken Lee/ Without You by Mariah Carey. By the way, stop the background music if you wish to view the clip. Enjoy!
Last week was a tiring week, especially when most of my colleagues are out overseas, leaving Justin & me running the whole show. In addition to that, we had to burn overtime (24 hours) on saturday. Naturally both of us were very very tired today. For my case, I was like having headaches all day long. However, God knows as He is Omnipotent. He has long planned for today to have us going back from work 3 hours early. I thank my Father.
Nothing much today, as per daily routine, just that I initiated a family dinner with my parents. We hardly have one - either one not free or another. It was actually a prompting, nothing of my own thoughts. It was quite sudden. While waiting for a bus, sudden a voice spoke, "Though King David sets a good example, though he was close to God and knowledgeable about His word, yet he did not handle his family well." Then a reply came, "What good am I if I know His word and yet have my family handled well. Have I not dishonored God?" Instantly, I smsed my Dad and my Mum.
Sadly, I did not manage to get my sister down for dinner. She is a studyaholic. Kiasu I would say. Even my mum gave a funny reply telling me that what happened when she informed my sister about today's dinner, saying, "Your sister is crazy! Study non-stop." At that moment, I nearly burst into laughter. Then during dinner, not much words were talked but I believe this is a stepping stone that God provided.
May I not be like King David, whom follows the Lord but yet did not handle his family well as was commanded in Corinthians, "Honor your parents." Nonetheless, God is good.
*Singing the song of my blog many times today...* I'm an emo man. Lol.
Between my last post to now, lots have happened. At least I am glad that my Father answered my prayers and things are right on track. Ivan gonna ord, Bing Hong & Wei sheng are in overseas, and Vincent recovering from his operation. Praise be to the Lord that He has blessed Vincent a successful operation and that he can be discharged a day after that. May the Lord be merciful and gracious to him that Vincent will fully recover, and that he can enjoy sports as he loves from then. Although certain things have much been settled and improved, but new problem arises.
For the past 2 weeks, consecutively almost everyday, I've been bombarded with politics in my workplace with one of my Juniors, Justin. The person in-charge of us is giving us unnecessary pressures every moment. Its really tough till us feeling breathless. Its not that he is a bad person. As a friend, he's not bad. However, under work and its pressures, he can be really nasty. Its the work ethics that he has. If it isn't his job, he shan't care but if it is, he shall push. In addition to that, he's very critical in the words he says to others but he hates people doing that to him. I shall name him Ironic.
Politics is everywhere, even as young as in secondary school. It is kind of sad. The reason for politics to be around, as my friend, David, has said, people lack self-esteem, jealousy, poor work ethics, want to chao geng, etc. In fact, the work you do was never difficult. In fact, it isn't the work that makes you feel tired. But it is, the politics around you that makes your life less meaningful and draggy. Even if you have passion for something, sooner or later, politics will cease the fire of yours. That is why to live in a world of non-politics is so important. And only God can provide. I love to go his dwelling place because in it, I find peace and joy. Nonetheless, even churches have politics. Oh wells.
Today's church is a combined event at Acts Baptist Church, with them and Good News, plus us Shalom. Service was good even though I was really tired as I worked through the night yesterday. However, I got emo-ed when I saw some people in that area. Part of me wish to talk to them but part of me insist that I shall not. Oh, what am I suppose to do?
