The Stages of Love.
Think this is the answer...With reference to Gary Chapman, the below is what I also believed:There are 2 stages of love - The Obsessive stage of love (0-2 years). During this obsessive stage of love, we live under the illusionthat the person with whom we are in love is perfect. We have other irrational thoughts such as the Hollywood-kind of saying, "I cannot live without her/him." In this stage of love, differences are minimized or denied. We just know that we are happy, that we have never been happier, and we intend to keep this forever. This stage doesn't require lots of effort. It just comes naturally and that is why people always say, "I think I fell in love with so and so."It is in this obsessed stage of love that most people get married, and others start living together. The whole relationsip has been effortles. We have been swept along by the heightened emotions of the "in love" obsession. Because of the lack of depth in the relationship, which means relationship not tested at all, many married couples divorce after 5 years and as for unmarried couples break-up, they move on and ended up with other guy/lady in this vicious cycle. You may feel discouraged about this truth but one thing we have to recognised here is that love is a commitment to each another. However, in this stage, there isn't much of a commitment.The next stage of love is the covenant love. This is very different from passionate love (stage 1). In coventant love, passion must be fed and nurtured. It will not continue to flow simply because we remain in the relationship. The obsessiveness we have had for each other begins to fade, and we recognise that there are other important persuits in life in addition to pursuing each other. The illusions of perfection begins to evaporate.Every differences begin to appear infront of you. You begin to focus on yourself and realise that your lover is no longer meeting your needs. So you begin to question your love for him/her, whether are you all meant for each another. So you begin to request and demand of the person, and when things turn out to under your expectations, you withdraw, lash out in anger, or initiates a breakout. Your anger or withdrawal pushes your lover further away and makes it more difficult for him/her to express love to you.Many always think that such tarnished relationship can never be reborn. However the answer is yes. But that is if both couple are willing to persue the understanding of the nature of love and starts to apply the knowledge, to learn how to express love in a language which other person can receive. The couple may be dating or married, but they must move to the next stage (Covenant love) or the relationship will end.Covenant love is conscious love. It is intentional love. It is a commitment to love no matter what. It requires thought and action. It does not wait for the encouragement of warm emotions but chooses to look out for the interest of the lover because you are committed to the other's well-being. Covenant love requires two factors: knowledge of the nature of love and the will to love.If you are in a relationship and you are about to enter stage two, reconsider before doing anything foolish because it is not about your welfare but it is also about the other party and others (ie parents, etc) if you had involved them.Anyway, whether are you in a relationship or not, it is good to learn to speak love and appreciation in a language the other person can receive, not yours please. If the person receives in a way you need to tell him/her, speak out. If the person receives in action, do it. Learning to speak love in a language is the key to enhance all human relationships. Hope you find this post interesting and applicable to your situation. If you want to know more about it, a book to recommend is "The five love languages (for people in a relationship) or The five love languages for singles (for singles) by Gary Chapman."
