A Christian JournaL

Feeling Gay

2009-02-05T21:29:00.002+08:00

Alright! It's been a longgggggggggggggg while since I last updated this rusty little blog. In fact, there was quite alot of events (that happened from my last post all the way till now) to post but I was just too lazy. lol. =P

Anyways, I had dance class this evening - Hip Hop: Girly style. Its the third month that I'm in now, finding myself doing something that when I tell others, they give me the "laughs." oOzzz.

'Twas what happened today was that my teacher, Jacky, he decided that we should dance girly, using the song by our infamous singer, Britney, entitled Womanizer. (oh gosh, I really dislike the song). The dance moves and steps were really "eek". So I find myself expressing my body when I don't really have a expressable top, a S-shaped figure, a rigid ass & sexy legs. But it was kind of cool. < I'm becoming gay. -.-

A Little Too Not Over You

2008-12-18T23:22:00.006+08:00

(eh eh eh oh eh eh eh
eh eh eh oh eh eh eh)

It never crossed my mind at all
That's what I tell myself
What we had has come and gone
You're better off with someone else
It's for the best, I know it is
But I see you
Sometimes I try to hide
What I feel inside

And I turn around
You're with him now
I just can't figure it out

Tell me why
You're so hard to forget
Don't remind me
I'm not over it
Tell me why
I can't seem to face the truth
I'm just a little too not over you
(eh eh eh oh eh eh eh)
Not over you
(eh eh eh oh eh eh eh)

Memories
Supposed to fade
What's wrong with my heart?
Shake it off, let it go
Didn't think it be this hard
Should be strong
Moving on
But I see you
Sometimes I try to hide
What I feel inside

And I turn around
You're with him now
I just can't figure it out

Tell me why
You're so hard to forget
Don't remind me
I'm not over it
Tell me why
I can't seem to face the truth
I'm just a little too not over you

Maybe I regret
Everything I said
No way to take it all back, yeah
Now I'm on my own
How I let you go
I'll never understand
I'll never understand
Yeah, oooh, oooh, oooh
Oooooooh
Oh
Ooooh, oh

Tell me why
You're so hard to forget
Don't remind me
I'm not over it
Tell me why
I can't seem to face the truth
I'm just a little too not over you

Tell me why
You're so hard to forget
Don't remind me
I'm not over it
Tell me why
I can't seem to face the truth
And I really don't know what to do

I'm just a little too not over you
(eh eh eh oh eh eh eh)
Not over you
(eh eh eh oh eh eh eh)

Crush

2008-11-30T19:33:00.002+08:00

I hung up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time
Deep inside
It was a rush
What a rush (what a rush)

'Cause the possibility
That you would ever feel the same way
About me
It's just too much
Just too much (just too much)

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You've got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I just got to know

Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we could be
Where this thing could go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath
When I look at you?
Are you holding back
Like the way you do?
'Cause I'm trying, trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't going away
Going away

Has it ever crossed your mind
When we're hangin', spendin' time
Girl, are we just friends?
Is there more?
Is there more?

See, it's a chance we've gotta take
'Cause I believe
That we can make this into
Something that will last
Last forever
Forever

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we could be, where this thing could go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back, like the way you do?
'Cause I'm trying, trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't going away
Going away

Why do I keep running from the truth? (why do I keep running)
All I ever think about is you (all I ever think about)
You've got my hypnotized (hypnotized), so mesmerized (mesmerized)
And I just got to know

Do you ever think (ever think) when you're all alone (all alone)
All that we could be, where this thing could go? (go)
Am I crazy or falling in love? (crazy)
Is it real or just another crush? (another crush, yeah, yeah)

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back, like the way you do?
'Cause I'm trying, trying to walk away (whoa)
But I know this crush ain't goin' away (this crush ain't)
Goin' away
Goin' away
Goin' away

to the lady that made my heart goes wild & mind crazy

2008-10-14T20:48:00.008+08:00

This is a song that I have been listening since a year ago.
It has always been real but never so real till recent.
The words are what my heart will like to express.
There no longer comes logic, nor right or wrong.
They come deep within, that was engraved in it since 3 years ago...

God of the City

2008-10-12T21:25:00.001+08:00

Connecting with God

2008-09-11T19:54:00.003+08:00

Connecting with God means having a relationship with Him, to love Him, just as you connect with your family.

What is love?
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13: 4-8)

What has love do with God?
God is love. He fits every single description as mentioned in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8. Even though Adam and Eve failed God, God was kind. He did not condemn them, neither did He destroy them. Instead, right after they sinned against God, the LORD God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them (Genesis 3:21). Similarly, in the time of Noah, even though He was so angry that He wanted to wipe out the whole human race, He did not. He has all the reasons but He did not. God being forgiving, He gave us chance after chance, waiting for us patiently to turn back to Him.

And because God is love, every love that you are experience is through Him. "We love each other because He loved us first." (1 John 4:12-19)

You said that God love us. How has He?
As humans, when you love a particular someone, what are some things that you will do for him/her?

(1) Whatever he/she wants to do, you will support him/her.
(2) Whatever disappointing things that he/she does, you will forgive him/her.
(3) Even if it means your life, you willingly give him/her.

Similarly, God did what you would do and not only that, He does even more. If you have a partner before, to love one is tough enough, how much more is the world! God did not just love you only. He loves your parents, family, friends, people whom you do not know and even his enemies! If one is difficult, how much more is His?

Imagine yourself creating something and you expect it to be good but it turned out otherwise, how do you feel? This is how God feels! At times, when created items turn out to be faulty, the creator disposes them off and never let it be around but definitely not God. Since the beginning, Man has disappointed God time after time, from providing Moses to King David to John the Baptist, but none of these efforts seem to work against the stone heart of Man. A handful got saved but Many still ignore His love.

God could have given up but that is not His character. Love always perseveres. Instead, He decided that He had to use His last resort, His trump card but meanwhile, the greatest sacrifice for Him. He sent His one and only beloved Son, Jesus Christ, so that whoever believe in Him (Jesus Christ), shall not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16) If you are a parent, ask yourself this question: "Would you sacrifice your son for people whom go against your will and never loved you?" You must be thinking, "How dumb it is!" But not God.

God did everything. Through His precious Son, you are not only saved from sin, most importantly, you are able to enjoy the relationship with the Father directly!

What are some of the ways you can adapt to maintain and strengthen this Connection/Relationship with God?

How do couples maintain and strengthen their relationship? Through communication? Through the things that they do together? Similarly, that is how you should do in your relationship with God.

God left the most wonderful communicating tool on Earth and that is His Word - The Bible. By reading His Word daily, you will know Him better and therefore love Him even more. You may ask this, "How about God?" God already knows you even before you were born. And I dare proclaim that He is the one and only person in this entire universe that knows you best, even more than what you know about yourself. "And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered." (Matthew 10:30)

Before a couple gets married to one another, will not they rather hug someone to sleep every night? Obviously they do not but they will have a replacement, for example a hugging bear. But God left you something more powerful than a hugging bear. He left His spirit in you, so that in every single second of your life, He is always there for you, in the things you do, in the emotions that you are facing. So, to improve this relationship, allow Him to do things with you.

Next, call God frequently! It is not as if every boyfriend provides their girlfriend with a phone and a number but God provides! He gave you a weightless plus wireless "hand phone" which does not require any recharging. And that is prayer. Just as you will do to your love ones on Earth, do the same to the Father. Call Him anytime, anywhere, He is always ready 24/7 to pick up your phone, to hear what you have to say, your questions, your decisions, your cry-outs, everything.

What hinders you from maintaining and strengthening this Connection? And How can you solve these hindrances?
I know. You are going to find some excuses right now. Stop!

Some of the common reasons which Man is hindered are:

(1) Insufficient time
(2) Laziness
(3) Do not feel like it
(4) I do not know how to

Basically, these excuses are understandable but not valid. As much as God wants 100% of your time, He knows that that is impossible for you. Similarly, as much as a husband wants 100% of his wife's time, he knows that is impossible. However, be it husbands or God, He just wants you to spend time with Him, even if it is only 5 minutes of your day.

Start small in everything. The time which your church pastor spends with God now, I dare say it is not as much as compared to ten years ago. As you spend time with your friends or love ones, do you think that the moment you know that, you gave them your priority and most of your time? Probably, you started spending 1 minute saying Hi's and Bye's with one another. Then slowly, from chit chatting to outings, to phone calls, to ...

God is not demanding you to spend all your time with him the moment you know Him. He is not a control freak. He is patient with you, always waiting for your replies. Just start interacting with him bit by bit daily. Start small and soon it will end up BIG!

God loves you. =]

The Book of Wisdom: Proverbs

2008-09-08T23:00:00.003+08:00

Proverbs is the book that dedicates to Solomon son of David (Proverbs 1:1). Solomon is the king of Isreal whom all nations recognizes his wisdom, which was blessed by God. "God gave Solomon wisdom and very great insight, and a breadth of understanding as measureless as the sand on the seashore." (1 Kings 4:29) Basically, we can say that the book of proverbs is the book of wisdom.

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline." (Proverbs 1:7)

In order to attain wisdom, there is a need for these 3 elements to be present - the fear of God, wisdom and discipline.

To fear of the Lord, simply means to respect, to listen. In everything that He says to you or commands you, you listen and engrave it deep in your heart, so that you may obey and do: "Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching. They (wisdom) will be a garland (decoration) to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck." (v8-9) This means that by heeding their advices, it is as if the parents themselves are guiding you, supporting you right from the back.

Simply, let us put in this way. "Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? (Luke 11:11) So, how much more will not the Heavenly Father do good to you? In Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." God plans to do good in your life and not bring disaster to your life!

Next, you need wisdom. In order that you may have wisdom, you will have to first listen to the word. It is through the word that you find all answers to your questions. However, knowledge that comes without discipline, bounds to nothing. It is as if you sowed your seeds on to the pavement of rocks where the word is not deeply rooted in your foundation. And when circumstances comes, the hazardous weather shall bury your growth with the soil.

Wisdom is always there. She calls aloud in the street, raises her voice in the public squares; at the head of the noisy streets she cries out, in the gateways of the city she makes her speech: "How long will you simple ones love your simple ways? How long will mockers delight in mockery and fools hate knowledge?" (v20-21)

The dangers about refusing wisdom is as such. When calamity overtakes you like a storm, when disaster sweeps over you like a whirlwind, when distress and trouble overwhelm you, you will eat bad fruit of your own ways and be filled with the fruit of the schemes.

"For the waywardness of the simple will kill them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them, but whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm." (v32-33) So, my friends, are you not going to seek wisdom and in fear of the Lord, perform it in your daily life with discipline? God promises you your safety and freedom. Are they not what you want?

My Yoke

2008-09-07T23:38:00.004+08:00

For the past 2 days, it has really been quite hectic and tiring, but nonetheless interesting as compared to the usual daily routine.

Yesterday was Combined Church Youth Sports Day! It was conducted very early in the morning whereby my church mates and I have to gather at RV point - Boon Lay MRT control tower at 815am. Then we had to travel from west to north - Ang Mo Kio, which in turn, we did a change to a bus which leads us to May Flower Secondary School. There is where we hard our sports day.

As usual, I participated in the game of soccer as a striker but ended up as a last man (defender) with my team of 5 - Amos, Daniel, Yu ren & Kai Shou. All of the teams played quite competitively. All were good and hard world-class sportsmanship & gamesmanship. The outcome was not so important but truely the process - whether if you enjoyed the game. We always say, "For the love of the game."

Immediately after the mini soccer tournament ended, I made my way to the floorball court and started playing. I was substituted in by the grace of Julian. But I guess I was not good enough that I caused the team to lose from 2-1 to 7-3. Oops. Afterwhich, I went away to participate in another basketball game, where I made new friends. On the whole, I was both famished and tired.

After the event, my church youths and Good News youths made our way to AMK Hub for our lunch. However, we were pangsehed by them as they wish to eat Macdonalds and we do not. Yet, we also do not know what we should eat there. Thus, we came up with the most corny idea of travelling to Vivo City from AMK Hub by bus. I tell you, it was a superb long journey! There, we caught a movie by Nicholas Cage - Bangkok Dangerous, then took bus 97 to IMM for dinner, and bus 99 back home.

Similar to saturday, I woke up around the same time as today. Went church, and today was Lord Supper. I never had this feeling before but somehow or another, the Holy Spirit gave me or rather us - Yi Xin, this feeling. Lord Supper is as if people have taken it for granted. It has long lost its significance, especially to me. I never knew what it was or even if I do, I did not respect or sincerly gave my all for what it was. To me, Lord Supper is just a piece of bread and a cup of ribena.

It was until today then its significance impacted deep in my heart. From the time of Adam, Mankind has disappointed God. As a creator, when you create things, you have high expectations of your the thing you created, however, it just turn out otherwise. How hard you as a creator will feel? Imagine. Then from Adam all the way till present times, have we not once disappoint God?

There is so many things that we do that God can easily condemned us. Each time He sees us sinning, He feels angry, sad, disappointed but yet He cannot bear leaving us just aside and ignore us because He so love us. His great love has long surpass every understanding that His Grace filled upon us, giving us His forgiveness everytime even though we do not deserve it.

However, we did not get touch by His love. Instead, we took it for granted. God saw no choice but to use His final resort because if He does not, we difinitely will not be saved. And that final resort was the cruxification of His One and Only beloved Son - Jesus Christ.

I began to imagine about Jesus Christ's love for us. It is the most magnificent. He came down as a human form to suffer with us even though He was crowned prince. Then He put everyone before him except himself. He went around to touch people's heart, to teach them, to heal them, to save them, to inspire them. However, there came a time, in Jerusalem, that the people whom He wants to save so badly, cruxified him. Can you imagine how He felt? The people whom He has fought so hard to die for now want to put Him to death!

In life, how we wish every single moment, there's someone thinking about you. Likewise, God too. Jesus told the disciples, "Take the cup and the bread, and do this in remembrance of me." I imagined what has happened, and I saw bitterness in the picture. Now then I understood how great the love I have already received is. How important His body and blood it is to me. They are my life.

After church, I went Pastor's place for some fellowship, then just finish watching Wall-E with David, Ai Ling and Victor again. This is my second time watching this movie in a week. It is really a touching movie that somehow or another, I got emoed.

In fact, I wished badly that I can get back what I have lost or rather I be like Wall-E, at the ending part, loses his memories. I have been trying to bear the pain but I do not know when it will reach the threshold. I am still fighting hard but how I wish I can just give up and die. The pain is too unbearable. Somebody, please. I wish to forget my entire life.

I am so so tired.

Faint

2008-09-05T22:25:00.002+08:00

Today is a special day, not to me but to my best friend, Daniel. Amos and I went to meet him at Jurong Point, the newly opened world of the Japanese, for our dinner. It was a buffet at Kushinbo. The queue was seriously long. Moreover, buffet's queue does not move as quickly as compared to dining restaurants where you just eat and go. This is because in a buffet, even if you can't eat, you will still eat. Nowadays, you hardly see people dying for relationship but in fact, for food.

Thus, it took us 1 hour 30 minutes for us to finally get in to the restaurant. And we had only 1 hour 30 minutes before the restaurant officially closes. I guess its just one for one - a minute for a minute. The food was superb I would say. Thumbs up! Compared to the suntec Kushinbo, the one that we just went is slightly better as of its variety. As usual, my diet will be a minimum of 30 pieces of salmon, then some Japanese snow crabs, teppanyaki, and more.

On my way home, I nearly fainted. Not because of food but because of fatigue. Crap. I was walking down the "aisle" of the bus, holding on to the handle, preparing to get down. As I moved, I lost grip of my stance and I fell inwards to the right, nearly hit a lady. It was until she "zhek" me then I realized I was falling. I did not even realize I was doing that. For a moment, I left that place.

Can't wait for tomorrow. It is combined youth sports day! May God bless us with a good weather & enjoyable & safe fellowship. Amen.

The World Loves to Judge

2008-09-04T16:17:00.007+08:00

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

Judgment is something that you will experience daily. Judgment, I shall call it politics. Be it in school, in the office, at home, and even church, politics is there. Because it is everywhere, you cannot run, neither can you hide from it, but be sure do not be pulled along with it.

Backstabbing. Condemnation. Ill-Speaking. Many More. They are examples of politics that by now you are so familiar with. It just shows how flawful we humans are. Ask yourself this, "Do you like politics?" Now then, why do you join them in it? Speaking ill about others, condemning them, are not those judging?

"Why do you look at the speck of saw dust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother. 'Let me take the speck out your your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." (Matthew 7:3-5)

Why do you judge a flawful when you yourself are one of them?

So first, before you even comment anything bad about others, first do yourself a favor by reviewing yourself if you're like one of them. For most of the time, in fact, you are. But even if you are not, be sure that you do not speak behind person but in front of person. By doing this, you are of great help to him/her. "Truth will always set us free."

Now, this leads us to an interesting question. Why do people judge? The sad truth is, people love to judge so that when they judge, the feel good of themselves. By putting someone down to the pit, you are actually comparing yourself to him/her. It makes you look as if you are perfect. Whether are you conscious about doing or not, you are. However, in the first place, what gives you the authority to say so?

"I talked back about others because he/she first talked back about me." Oh my, how childish this is! How long do you wish to take your revenge against that person? Or do you ever think that by doing so, it will end anyone winning the race? I tell you the truth, by giving in and forgiving, you are the winner in the eyes of the Lord. Is not what all matters?

"You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles." (Matthew 5:38-41)

Yes. Let him/her say what he/she wants to say. If you are not what it is being said about you, why bother? Let God be the judge. If you are right and he/she is wrong and has slandered you, surely they will receive their fair share. However, if you slander him/her back, you are not glorifying God. Why argue back when you are in the right? Are you not sure that you are in the right?

Instead, "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven." (Matthew 5:44)

"Oh, I judged because the world is doing that!" Let me ask you this, "Does God look like the world to you?" Did not God say this, "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." (Matthew 7:13-14) Why do what the world do for the world is in the path of the broad when in fact, the narrow is the one that leads to life. Be not the Majority but be the Few!

So now my friends, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." (Matthew 7:1-2)

Of course, there is no Man that does not sin. Even Solomon, the wisest Man on Earth, in his prayers (one of the few magnificent prayers recorded in the bible), said this, "When they sin against you - for there is no one who does not sin-..." (1 Kings 8:46) So, if you cannot control yourself from judging, allow me to suggest to you this proposal: Pray.

A Song That I Wish to Dedicate to All

2008-09-03T22:44:00.002+08:00

May this song lighten your worries.

Rob Thomas - Little Wonders
let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don't you know
the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine
until you feel it all around you
and i don't mind
if it's me you need to turn to
we?ll get by,
it's the heart that really matters in the end

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

all of my regret
will wash away some how
but i can not forget
the way i feel right now

in these small hours
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away but these small hours
these small hours, still remain,
still remain
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these little wonders still remain

My Days So Far Since Last Post

2008-09-03T21:54:00.006+08:00

Fruitful!

Monday was Teacher's Day, a day that I thought I will never experience as a teacher myself when I was still a student. I never thought that day was so meaningful, especially to the teachers. There is this primary 5 kid, he made me a card. This card was made plainly by using a piece of A4 size photocopy paper + markers + pencil + crayons. But I tell you, even though it is made of cheapo materials, even though it may be torn anytime, the simple words that he wrote, the stars that he drew, warmed my heart with his deep sense of sincerity and thankfulness. The efforts you have put in on the person has paid off. The results are secondary. It is how you as a person mould the other person to be. Nonetheless, My Father claims all glory and honor. =]

Tuesday was a simple day. Nothing much has happened. After work, I went for a movie - "Wall E" with my junior, Justin the Canadian. It was a late night movie. The movie is kind of nice to me but there is many different perspectives out there. Thus, it is for you to decide.

Today! Things worked out smoothly. I caught a movie again, this time was "Death Race", with my friends, Bing Hong, Ivan & Wilson Lien. The movie was superb. 4.5/5? There was a set up in the storyline, however, not that aspiring. Nonetheless, the action and ending surely pleases you as a viewer. It is a must watch movie!

I was on my way home on the MRT and I saw this couple quarreling. The male was trying his best to please the female but the female was showing off her "power", reluctant to give in. Its kind of nostalgic when I see it. This is what spices things up in life. However, things looked as if it is going out of hand as the minute hand ticks, the quarrel grew from bad to worst. Then, something happened to me. I did not know what happen but all I know is that I prayed:

"Father, I do not know what happened to them but you know best. You know what happened to them and surely you can help them. Only, you can... Please, help them. Amen."

I did not know what was I doing but all I know is this. Relationship, be it friendship, be it boy-girl relationship, be it family, be it husband-wife, all these are hard to start and hard to get. All the more, we should cherish them and let not little obstacles break such cherish-able relationship to disappear over-night. Let not good things come to an end and let not closeness end up hatred.

Why did I say that relationship does not come easy? Indeed you wish to be friend with that particular someone but it does not mean that particular someone wish to be friend with you. However, he/she chose to be friend with you. Likewise, in your relationship with God! He chose you so that he can have a relationship with you. It is not whether you want it but it is whether others are willing to give you that chance. And that chance does not come easy. Therefore my dear friends, cherish what you have, especially your relationship with God!

In Mark 10:17-31: There was this rich man that came and ask Jesus about the way to eternity.

"Good teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?"

"Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered. "No one is good- except God alone. You know the commandments: ' Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, do not defraud, honor your father and mother.'"

"Teacher," he declared, "all these I have kept since I was a boy."

Jesus looked at him and loved him. "One thing you lack," he said. "Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."

The man was in distressed.

Jesus looked around and said to this disciples, "How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!" The disciples were amazed at his words. Then they asked, "Who then can be saved?"

Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God."

No matter how different you and your friend are, no matter how big the gap between you two you say it is, nothing is impossible for you both to end up together. If it is by your efforts, and I mean Man's efforts, surely you will fail. But if it is by God's efforts, there is nothing impossible that He cannot do.

If through him you can receive eternity that is the ultimate gift from Him, what more is it if you ask for a blessed relationship! Therefore, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." (Philippians 4:6)

Oh one more thing before I end. Guess what? The couple came back together, and they started to talk things out. Praise the Lord!

Cherish!

Hectic but Fruitful day

2008-08-31T23:07:00.007+08:00

I am so tired again. Just finished my 24 hours duty this morning and immediately, I rushed to church with Daniel via cab. Today's sermon was good, talking about how Matthew the tax collector by his own initiative, without any training or whatsoever, he invited his fellow friends and family. He did that because he wanted to share his joy when Jesus invited him into His life to them. By using this example, my pastor promoted Billy Graham's evangelistic event that is going to be held this december, entitled "The Hope".

After which, my god brother smsed me to invite me for dim sum lunch. Without further ado, I accepted his invitation, which landed us at Vivo City's He She Hui. We spent about 100 dollars in total. The food was superb.

At about 240pm, I left Vivo City and rushed towards Dhoby Ghaut to meet my Junior College Orientation Group (OG) mates. Its been a really long since I met them. Probably, 6 months? I seriously miss them. First, we, whom consists of, Bernice, Yao Yong, Alvin, Kok Wai & me, head towards MINDS cafe for a game of settlers. Sadly, Bernice left halfway to meet "someone" for movie. The game took about 1.5 hours before someone gamed.

After which, we headed to Plaza Singapura to chill as we were waiting for a special someone, named, Dawn. But the ironic thing is, we went to arcade to chill. Soon, we left that unsuitable place and went to Carl's Junior instead to wait for Dawn. Similarly, someone left. Yao Yong left for City Hall to meet "someone" to celebrate his birthday. Happy Birthday Yao Yong!

Few minutes after Yao Yong left, Dawn came. Its been a year since I last saw her and guess what! She is still as cheerful and lovely as she was when I knew her in JC1! Immediately, the environment changed. Crazy laughter began to enter our conversation and it all felt so nostalgic, at the specific OG 21 table that we chose right infront of the mix-rice stall at SAJC of Malan Road, there was where everything began.

Every morning, breaks, etc, we will gather there and spend them together. We will keep on talking and talking and talking and... But all good things soon come to an end, when we had to separate to head for different JCs after 3 months. Those were the days.

After dinner and a really long catch-up session, Alvin went home, so left Dawn, Kok Wai & me. We went for a short shopping session with Kok Wai & me following behind Dawn. We were as if body guards of this rich lady.

Time flew really fast. I really miss the moments when we OG 21 stood strong together, while people are saying, "Huh, still OG outings?" Even though it is really tired, with more than 40 hours of non-stop action for me, it is all worth it! All hail OG 21! =]

Just 4 Laugh

2008-08-28T19:16:00.002+08:00

Something that is funny to me and I really wish to share. However, there's a little explicit content in his presentation. Nonetheless, treat it clean. Presenting to you Russell Peter's remarks about British. Enjoy and hope it loosen your day's stress! =]

Feeling discouraged?

2008-08-27T20:12:00.004+08:00

"I have done so much but yet I am not recognised!"
"It is unfair why I get the same treatment as him/her when I put in so much more!"

Or

"I am not worthy."

Sounds familiar? I felt a deep sense of sadness as I read "The Parable of the Workers in the Vineyard" (Matthew 20) by Jesus himself. In life, many people are struggling between whether they are worthy or whether they are not worthy. It is this thought that this world instills. Everything that you do, you consider its worth, whether is it worthy for you to put in your effort into it. A very direct example, your employment. You will ask yourself these questions:

"Is the pay given to me worthy of my education level?"
"Is the working hours tally to the pay given?"
"Is my job scope worth getting this pay?"
And the list goes on...

While some is fully worthy of themselves, there are also people of the contrary. People living in the opposite side of the world, darkness. In everything that they do, they lack self-worth. They keep questioning their abilities in everything that they do.

"For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early int he morning to hire men to work in his vineyard. He agreed to pay them a denarius for the day and sent them into his vineyard.

About the third hour he went out and saw others standing in the marketplace doing nothing. He told them, 'You also go and work in my vineyard, and I will pay whatever is right.' So they went.

He went out again about the sixth hour and the ninth hour and did the same thing. About the eleventh hour he went out and found still others standing around. He asked them, 'Why have you been standing here all day long doing nothing?'

'Because no one has hired us,' they answered.
He said to them, 'You also go and work in my vineyard.'

When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his foreman, 'call the workers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last ones hired and going on to the first.'

So who do you think will be paid more? Surely the people who started working the earliest! No. This was what happened.

"The workers who were hired about the eleventh hour came and each received a denarius. So when those came who were hired first, they expected to receive more. But each one of them also received a denarius. When they received it, they began to grumble against the landowner. 'These men who were hired last worked only one hour,' they said, 'and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the work and the heat of the day.'

What is there to ask whether is it fair or not?
What is there to ask whether are you worthy or not?

Under the eyes of God, everything is given to you out of grace. (Refer to Job's example of Grace) The things that you have is not yours, and never will it be. It is given since even before you were born. So what is there to complain about what is fair or not? Is not pride that is making you blind!

So what if you looked ugly?
So what if you have defects?
So what if you are poor?
So what if you do not meet the standards of the world?
So what if people diminish you worth?
So what?

What is there to ask whether are you worthy or not since regardless whether you took the job first or last, you still get the same treatment from God. It is not what you have that determines who you are. It is not what you look like that determines who you are. Remember that you are incomplete, it is God that chose you and made you complete. It does not matter how people look at you, how they say about you. How can a flawful judge a flawful? God who is perfect says it all, "You are worthy in Christ."

My Day

2008-08-27T19:43:00.003+08:00

21 km really kills. 2 days ago I was on off. My muscles did not really hurt that badly unexpectedly. Luckily, I did "some" cool down. Erm, some.

All of the sudden, something happened to my left foot, right after I finish my driving practical lesson. I could not walk. As long as I stand, I felt an intense, sharp pain in my outer left foot and every single step that I took, it hurts badly. The longest distance I can ever walk is probably 20m? Then I had to stop and rest. Not that I wanted to, once the pain reaches its threshold, my left foot stopped functioning for a few seconds. It carried on throughout for Tuesday.

This morning, I tried to walk again. Still painful but not as bad as Monday & Tuesday. Then, a crazy thought came into my mind as I was on the running rack, "Why not I try just one round?" I did, and before I could complete 100m, I limped and limped. I did not move much since. Thus, could not gauge how bad my foot is today. As for now, I still limp as I walk. I have not pray for recovery though because this pain just came all of the sudden. There may be a purpose to it. Till it is revealed, I shall wait patiently. You must be thinking, "He is crazy!"

I known of a close friend during this tough period of my. He was always there with me but I was never there with Him. When I am happy, He jumped for joy with me. When I am sad, He cried for me and comforts me. Whatever I do, He is always there. But sadly, I did not reciprocate His love for me. He is the one that Jesus Christ sent to me before Jesus himself left this Earth. He is my bestest of best friend, named, "Holy Spirit".

I am beginning to feel more of His presence, feeling Him, hearing Him, seeing His works in my life and a lot more! There is something that I will like to share to all of you that He did in my life. Today, as I was reading the bible, the book of Matthew, Chapter 17, Verse 10-13:

The disciples asked him, "Why then do the teachers of the law say that Elijah must come first?"
Jesus replied, "To be sure, Elijah comes and will restore all things. But I tell you, Elijah has already come, and they did not recognize him, but have done to him everything they wished. In the same way, the Son of Man is going to suffer at their hands." Then the disciples understood that he was talking to them about John the Baptist.

Immediately, I asked myself this, "Haven't I seen it somewhere in the bible that mentions John the Baptist is Elijah? So is John the Baptist Elijah?" At this point of time, I was pondering whether if I should flip the Bible to search for this confirmation verse. However, for Pete's sake, the Bible is full of knowledge, how am I suppose to find? I was deciding to give up searching.

Then, something in me urges me to continue searching. I resisted but gave in, in the end. Thus, I asked, "Oh Holy Spirit, show it to me."

The next thing I know, my left hand flipped to this page, under the Book of Matthew, Chapter 11, verse 11-15:

I tell you the truth: Among those born of women there has not risen anyone greater than John the Baptist; yet he who is least in the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it. For all the Prophets and the Law prophesied until John. And if you are willing to accept it, he is the Elijah who was to come. He who has ears, let him hear

My conclusion after the Holy Spirit revealed to me is John the Baptist is Elijah.

Immediately, I felt a sense of security and joy and I praised and thanked the Holy Spirit for revealing to me. Thank God. =]

No Worries

2008-08-25T10:28:00.003+08:00

Indeed, times are hard and many fears just appear out of nowhere all of the sudden. All kinds of negative feelings just come into you at the split second and you find it hard to adapt to it. You just do not know what to do!? The path which leads to giving up became the brightest at that moment and you follow that lead. No! It is not the path that leads to giving up that brings you light. You have to face your fears and lostness, in order for you to find light in darkness. Does light just appear out of nowhere in the darkness of your apartment? It is you who finds the switch, the key, that leads to light.

No matter how tough it is, how much you wish to giving up, stand firm and hold it just right there. Yes, you are going against the huge current but you need to tell yourself this, "Problem, I have a Big God" instead of, "God, I have a Big Problem." By running away from the problem is like running away from the huge current, or along with the huge current. And in the direction of the current, you will only be swept away, further from the shore, which leads you to peace and safety. This is why in times like this, no matter how tough you may feel, you still have to face the problem. Do to your scenario in the opposite way in how the world will do. This is what God has revealed to me.

Emotions are just part and parcel of life. It spices life up but also brings life down. However, we need to appreciate that when it spices life up, it is a bonus but when it brings life down, it is a trial. Regardless of whichever path emotions head to, both leads to you being a better man. Trials mould you to become stronger.

It is a torment to go against the huge current. Indeed, this is what I am feeling. It is torturous, as if you were in place of Jesus Christ at the cross. Of course, it is not as bad. During the moments, you just see darkness. I believe this is what Jesus has seen. He felt like giving up, crying out to His Father his agony and pain. But He knows that through His suffering, it will lead to light. Indeed, after a long stretch of road through darkness, He found His loving Father smiling at Him, saying, "My Beloved Son, you have done your part on Earth, now come back to the right-hand side of my throne."

My Godbrother's Birthday

2008-08-24T20:50:00.004+08:00

I am a person that has his attention deteriotes once the long-hand ticks to 9pm and a person that knocks out at 10pm. People call me the 10 o clock man. In fact, it is true because after 10pm, even though I am awake, I am a zombie, an empty shell moving but brain sleeping.

Living with so little rest these few days is really unbearable for me. I felt no sense of life in my day, till the extent of asking myself, "Is life meaningless?" In addition to that depression, comes along Army Half Marathon 21km. My god sister says that my eyes seem as if they could not open, my face's expression as if someone has died. Indeed, I am so tired with muscles aching everywhere, especially my knees. Nonetheless, not to dismay my god brother as it is his birthday celebration today, I went.

It was really an eye opener tonight. We headed to UOB tower for dinner at Sichuan Restaurant. The ambiance, the seats, the table, the presentation were high-class. Something that fascinated me was the way the waiter served us tea. It is a profession, I would say, which requires high-level of training. You might be think, what the ..? Yes, it really does.

Do you recall seeing the ancient china flask with a long "nose" protruding out from the flask? That is what that tea server used. For every single cup of tea that he pours, he presented his tea pouring skills with different stance. One of which, was the "eagle" stance. He laid the flask on his back with both of his hands protruding out, soaring like eagles. The skillful part is this, he managed to pour out the tea and yet maintain a spill less finish!

After which is the way they serve the dish called Peking Duck Roll. The chef pushed a trolley with a freshly cooked Peking duck out. Then he will sliced the skin of the duck and its meat to individual plates. Concurrently, the waitress will place the skin, meat and some vegetables into a wrap to finalize the dish. You can say that this is my first time seeing such scene.

Overall was good just that I was so tired that I could not fully appreciate the dinner. It is kind of wasted. Anyway, I ate with a celebrity. Not literally though. He was sitting a table in front of me and guess who is it? It is our local singer, Lin Jun Jie. I had many observations about him and ...

Crazy Week

2008-08-24T14:54:00.002+08:00

Aww crap. There's so much things happening this week in my life that I didn't really have enough rest/sleep for consecutive days. Friday I had a 24 hours duty, then came a 5 hours sleep on Saturday, and today was Army Half Marathon 21km. I am so gonna die. At one point of time, I nearly toppled over my legs to find my face on the muddy ground as my knee nearly gave in. I so love to do sports, am I gonna give up something that I love again? Am I?

This week, I came to know that my secondary school friend's story. By the way, his name is Teck Oon. He is a young, nice chap, plainly funny and innocent. He is a fond lover of God. At that time I know about him, he eats Solomon, talks about Solomon, dream about Solomon, all the works of God in Solomon. He is very active in church, etc. Basically, when I was a secondary school boy, he was someone whom I look upon spiritually. However, news just came to my ears that he changed. He began to smoke and start punching holes in his ears. When I came to know about it, I felt a deep sense of sadness in me.

Why did such happen to people like him? This is because people whom are closer to God are people whom are likely targets of the devil. Probably, he faced something more, emotionally, physically, and somehow or another, even people as strong as him gave in to temptation. I really do not wish I will end up like him. But at the rate, probably I will.

It is not easy. This period that I am going through, the steps that I thought I will take, are what many people will do. Hatred. Drink. Smoke. Sin. Club. Worst still, stray away from God. It is not that I want to. Never have I wished to but to be honest, I am at a point, easiest to give in to all these. I am a person that said, "Do not let your emotions lead you." Theoretically, I am not. But practically, I am.

They are paths that are taken by so many. It is a common flow to the wide gate. However, the bible did say that wide is the path to destruction but narrow is the path to life. I know that I know but I cannot do what I know. I have done a few things that led to wide path but as I was doing it, I know that I need to head towards the narrow path but meanwhile at the same time, I am going against God. It feels far worst that what it suppose to. I had to go against the strong current, meanwhile I am seeing myself doing things that goes against the law. It feels as if you are sinning and you do not know, yet the Holy Spirit whom is beside you is seeing it. And He grieves and tears because He witness you sinning. Another example is, you head towards home and one fine day, as you open your door, you see your love one making out without someone other than you. This is how it feels.

So someone please save me from this agony! Help me please...

"Till death do us part"

2008-08-20T18:26:00.008+08:00

Do you know you were made not solely because your parents love you and wanted you?
Do you know that your first lover is not your first love?
Do you know that there is someone always there for you? And that someone is not your lover?
Do you know that when you sin, you feel guilt but Him is pain?
He is always there. Have you forsaken Him?

You were made not out of coincidence. It is not just the spur of the moment that your parents had with one another, that you were created. But it is the Father whom created you out of love, for he wants to to build up an intimate relationship with you. Do you know?

Have you not been saved? Do you know how much troubles and pain He went through in order to get you saved? He knows we are sinners and He is willing to forgive but just by slaughtering lambs alone cannot save you forever because its a "one-time ticket" and you will just keep sinning.

Do you not know that He wants to let you see Him? But he could not. In the garden of Eden, before Man fell, Man and God interact with each another just as how we interact with one another. But Sin causes us to die if we see God. Can you imagine you loving someone so badly and yet cannot see him/her? How will you feel? This is how he feels. And do you know that the one and only way to make such happen is to sacrifice his one and only begotten son? (John 3:16) Can you imagine if you were ask to sacrifice your love one to die for some people whom you care about so much but yet they do not even care about you? How will you feel? This is how he feels. He had to ask His Son, Jesus Christ, whom He loves so much to die for you! How much agony and pain did he went through to act on the right decision?! If it was you, you surely won't! For you who live by your feelings, do not discern what is right and what is wrong. But God does!

Do you not know that how much pain he went through just by seeing you worshiping other Gods? Can you imagine the son whom you give birth to call other man, "Pa pa" and not you? Can you imagine the daughter whom you give birth to, hugs and kisses other man and not you? How will you feel? That is how he feels.

Woe to you Luke-warmers, who think you are a christian but actually you are not. Do you not know how much pain and disappointment he went through just by seeing you choosing to spend time with the world than him? Can you imagine your children choosing not to spend family time but on computer games, shopping, etc? How will you feel? This is how He feels.

Do you not know that in times when you feel agony and pain because something bad has happened to you, you cry out loud in your room, "Who is there with me to share my pain?", the Holy Spirit is there for you? Do you not know that when you hurt yourself because you feel pain, the Holy Spirit grieves for you? Do you not know that He really wishes to hug you and give you comfort but you just do not what to receive?

Do you not know that when you sin, you only feel guilty but not Him? Can you imagine He is actually there to see you sin? Can you imagine one day you come home and you see your love one making out with another man? How will you feel?

Have not His perseverance touched your heart? Is your heart made of stone?
So please, do not allow yourself to prostitute yourself to the world! There is someone in this world who loves you more than anyone on Earth does. And He is the Father, the Son & the Holy Spirit, the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End. Allow Him to love you. Receive his love from this moment!

This is what He says to you, "I love you, till death do us part."

The Irony

2008-08-18T22:35:00.003+08:00

I realised my friends fell sick one by one and for each, I sent them my regards. The standard sentence which I will tell a sick person is, "Please take care of yourself. Drink lots of water & rest more!" It is not that I do not have creativity but I just do not know what else is there to say. "Congratulations?"

To say is so easy but to do is another thing.
And now the person who advises is now ill & is entitled 2 days medical leave.
Oh wells.

Nonetheless, I believe there's a purpose for me falling ill.

Worrying about the future

2008-08-16T22:13:00.003+08:00

"How will I do in my universities?"
"How will my workplace be like? Will it provide a cohesive working environment?"
"Who will my spouse be?"
"When will I have a family?"
"When will I earn a million?"
The above are questions that many may ask. They are questions that prompt your mind to think about your future. But first ask yourself this, "Are you

It is absolutely normal that we wish to know our future. However, be careful about the intensity that we put in by pondering about those questions. For the more you ask, the more you worry, the more you feel your life is insecure. This is in fact an unhealthy sign because by worrying, it affects your you from performing optimally in your life, be it work, friendship, love relationship, family, etc.

MATTHEW 6:25-34 SAYS, “THEREFORE I TELL YOU, DO NOT WORRY ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WHAT YOU WILL EAT OR DRINK; OR ABOUT YOUR BODY, WHAT YOU WILL WEAR. IS NOT LIFE MORE IMPORTANT THAN FOOD, AND THE BODY MORE IMPORTANT THAN CLOTHES? LOOK AT THE BIRDS OF THE AIR; THEY DO NOT SOW OR REAP OR STORE AWAY IN BARNS, AND YET YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER FEEDS THEM. ARE YOU NOT MUCH VALUABLE THAN THEY? WHO OF YOU BY WORRYING CAN ADD A SINGLE HOUR TO HIS LIFE?”

“FOR THE PAGANS RUN AFTER ALL THESE THINGS, AND YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER KNOWS THAT YOU NEED THEM. BUT SEE FIRST HIS KINGDOM AND HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS, AND ALL THESE THINGS WILL BE GIVEN TO YOU AS WELL. THEREFORE DO NOT WORRY ABOUT TOMORROW, FOR TOMORROW WILL WORRY ABOUT ITSELF. EACH DAY HAS ENOUGH TROUBLE OF ITS OWN.

God knows what we need in our daily life and He promises us that he will provide for we are even more precious to Him than the birds of the air. However, seek Him first by not worry. Entrust single bit of your life to Him. Surrender! Allow Him to worry about your tomorrow, your future. Will not the Father take good care of His child's future? If an Earthly father does that, what more will be our Heavenly Father?

I've been worrying too much lately - my work, my life. This verse was spoken to me by the Holy Spirit and it encourages me a lot. Hope it does to your life too!

Something that will liften you day - Ken Lee

2008-08-13T20:14:00.002+08:00

Today was quite relax because the course is ending. However, something that displeased me is that there was internal conflict between course mates. As much as I wish to punish them, I did not. However, may God judge them. May the righteous be set free and the unrighteous be not scot free.

Alright. There's a small video clip that I will like to share with all of you. Hopefully, it will liften your mood. Its a song sang by a lady in Music Idol, entitled Ken Lee/ Without You by Mariah Carey. By the way, stop the background music if you wish to view the clip. Enjoy!

Work ended early today

2008-08-11T20:56:00.002+08:00

Last week was a tiring week, especially when most of my colleagues are out overseas, leaving Justin & me running the whole show. In addition to that, we had to burn overtime (24 hours) on saturday. Naturally both of us were very very tired today. For my case, I was like having headaches all day long. However, God knows as He is Omnipotent. He has long planned for today to have us going back from work 3 hours early. I thank my Father.

Nothing much today, as per daily routine, just that I initiated a family dinner with my parents. We hardly have one - either one not free or another. It was actually a prompting, nothing of my own thoughts. It was quite sudden. While waiting for a bus, sudden a voice spoke, "Though King David sets a good example, though he was close to God and knowledgeable about His word, yet he did not handle his family well." Then a reply came, "What good am I if I know His word and yet have my family handled well. Have I not dishonored God?" Instantly, I smsed my Dad and my Mum.

Sadly, I did not manage to get my sister down for dinner. She is a studyaholic. Kiasu I would say. Even my mum gave a funny reply telling me that what happened when she informed my sister about today's dinner, saying, "Your sister is crazy! Study non-stop." At that moment, I nearly burst into laughter. Then during dinner, not much words were talked but I believe this is a stepping stone that God provided.

May I not be like King David, whom follows the Lord but yet did not handle his family well as was commanded in Corinthians, "Honor your parents." Nonetheless, God is good.

*Singing the song of my blog many times today...* I'm an emo man. Lol.

虽然我愿意: A song that well suits me

2008-08-10T21:28:00.001+08:00

请让我靠近你轻轻对你说
别让我每个夜为你受折磨
是多么不容易才默默放手

为了我就当作这次为了我
别让我因为你被回忆折磨
而空气凝结了我们的脸孔

我别无选择

就算我们之间有什么问题
依然想念着你
虽然被放弃虽然我愿意

就算我们之间有什么难题
黑夜我还想着你
心碎人孤寂虽然我愿意
心还想着你

再让我靠近你轻轻对你说
当我说我要你从此好好过
是真的否则我怎么肯放手

为了我就当作这次为了我
赐给我你现在幸福的笑容
别让恨冻结了我们的脸孔

请你做选择

Its been a long while

2008-08-10T21:02:00.003+08:00

Aww crap. Its been one month since I last post.

Between my last post to now, lots have happened. At least I am glad that my Father answered my prayers and things are right on track. Ivan gonna ord, Bing Hong & Wei sheng are in overseas, and Vincent recovering from his operation. Praise be to the Lord that He has blessed Vincent a successful operation and that he can be discharged a day after that. May the Lord be merciful and gracious to him that Vincent will fully recover, and that he can enjoy sports as he loves from then. Although certain things have much been settled and improved, but new problem arises.

For the past 2 weeks, consecutively almost everyday, I've been bombarded with politics in my workplace with one of my Juniors, Justin. The person in-charge of us is giving us unnecessary pressures every moment. Its really tough till us feeling breathless. Its not that he is a bad person. As a friend, he's not bad. However, under work and its pressures, he can be really nasty. Its the work ethics that he has. If it isn't his job, he shan't care but if it is, he shall push. In addition to that, he's very critical in the words he says to others but he hates people doing that to him. I shall name him Ironic.

Politics is everywhere, even as young as in secondary school. It is kind of sad. The reason for politics to be around, as my friend, David, has said, people lack self-esteem, jealousy, poor work ethics, want to chao geng, etc. In fact, the work you do was never difficult. In fact, it isn't the work that makes you feel tired. But it is, the politics around you that makes your life less meaningful and draggy. Even if you have passion for something, sooner or later, politics will cease the fire of yours. That is why to live in a world of non-politics is so important. And only God can provide. I love to go his dwelling place because in it, I find peace and joy. Nonetheless, even churches have politics. Oh wells.

Today's church is a combined event at Acts Baptist Church, with them and Good News, plus us Shalom. Service was good even though I was really tired as I worked through the night yesterday. However, I got emo-ed when I saw some people in that area. Part of me wish to talk to them but part of me insist that I shall not. Oh, what am I suppose to do?

How is wish I work

2008-07-09T18:01:00.002+08:00

I hate to go to work or rather I will like to avoid to go to work because this is what I observed or felt:

Before Kranji, everything was fine and things were improving but after it, things went downhill. Its not that I really wanted to go Kranji even though we all know that there will be many ERs. Half of me wanted to but the other did not because I fear that things will go downhill just as what has happened now.

How I wish we could forge a deeper friendship. This is what I felt: I felt as if you all hate me somehow. I do not know why. All that I have been trying to do is to fight welfare for all of us, I dare to say I did not backstab anyone. What have I done wrong to receive the detest? Tell me that I am wrong! Each day I live in struggles - my flesh tells me to go against you all since you all have already chosen your side but meanwhile the other part tells me that I should not. It is really hard. I wish I could run.

Please, may things be better. May we forge a deeper friendship and that we may do the tough work together. Why am I not accepted?

Tired but its all worth it!

2008-07-05T00:58:00.002+08:00

I went out early in the morning today to take my Basic Theory Test. Phew, thank God, I passed. Then immediately I came out and head to register for my Provisional Driving License (PDL) and thank God the queue was short. I did not need to wait long for my turn. After which, I head down to update my results into the system so that I could start booking my 1st driving practical!

Then, I went to meet Weiping to celebrate our 3rd Anniversary. The activities that we did were: Watched Hancock, Shopped, Ate, Walked A LOT and cell. Nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary but it was all plain, simple & enjoyable.

I am so so tired but its all worth it.
Good night everyone!

By the way, let us all wish Michelle a Happy Birthday!

A day full of standing

2008-07-01T21:21:00.002+08:00

Today is a BIG day but I cannot tell you the reason.

The durian hunters ate the durian that I found yesterday for breakfast. I tell you, the wild durians tasted superb man. They are not too bitter, neither are they too sweet. Every single seed in your mouth makes you feel like craving for more! Moreover, it does not make you feel heaty. There is this friend, his name is Kelvin. He refused to eat the durian at first because his stomach was not feeling that well, however, this was what I said,

"Oh man. It's really nice! Come try one. Just one."

It ended with him finishing more than 5 pieces.

The thing that I did most today was sitting, standing, walking, eating and drinking. That was what all I did for today since 11am ~ 8pm.

Even though it was really tiring and boring, the day was fruitful with us the durian hunters, picking up 4 durians from the wild again.

What a day!

2008-07-01T00:34:00.003+08:00

Early morning, went out to work - boring as there was not any specific task to do. Thus a group of 5 of us went to hunt for durians as there were some durian trees around. We bashed through the vegetation and I came out of it first to find a non sweet-smelling durian lying at the pavement waiting for me. Its as if my Father has placed it there nicely for us.

I took and my boss smelt. He said it is riped yet and it will take a few days before we can start eating. Thus he put it into his car and less than a few hours' time, the whole car was durian-perfumed! And by evening, the durian cracked. This means that the durian is riped and ready for us to eat.

Thank God that today was half day if not I will not be where I am in the evening - Changi Airport. In fact I had much reservations to go today as I fear. More over, the laziness in me discouraged me from traveling. I kept asking my Father what should I do as I was really lost. Deep in me, there was this voice, saying, "If Shane is online, I'll go." It just came out of nowhere. The moment I reached home and switched on my computer, Shane msned me. There, I got my answer.

In less than 30 minutes' home, I tried to prepare myself to be ready. Then I rushed off to another location for a mission, after which, Changi Airport via MRT. Oh gosh, I stood the whole journey from the west all the way to the east! It was as if I was punished for whatever reason.

Although I did go Changi Airport in the end, my initial plan was just to stand afar and hide somewhere where I can see you. I did not have the courage. Somewhat I know that my Father asked me to be there and of course, I do not think he asked me to be there just to hide myself. Thus I prayed. Eventually, no matter how I hide, I first saw Bernice and Trina, then your dad and your mum found me. I told myself, "I can't hide anymore."

It was a fruitful trip down the east. I saw many warmth scenes today - loving family and friends travelling down for your arrival, and, a loving family that god has blessed your sister and wei quan to have. Lastly, I thank god for your family to be so nice to me, especially your mum. She kept worrying about my stomach. Haha. =D

The long trip back to the west was not good though. However, it was all worth. I am so so tired once again. Its been a few days that I have not been able to sleep well. It is time.
Good night everyone!

I'm Alive!

2008-06-30T03:35:00.003+08:00

I am still alive!

Anyone out there with me?

Yawnz. I'm finally going to sleep. Haha.
Good night everyone!

A Hangover

2008-06-29T16:04:00.002+08:00

Oh gosh, I'm feeling as if "car crash".

I've calculated and realized that I've not been sleeping from 0540 on friday till 0010 this morning - about 42 hours? And guess what, I woke up at 0805 this morning. You must be thinking I am crazy. No I'm not.

Last night, before I go into bed, I prayed:

"Dear Father, I know that there is Sunday school tomorrow at 0930 in church and my flesh really cannot take it. I have set my alarm clock at 0915, which means I definitely will miss my Sunday school. Forgive me for my 'ren xing'. However, if it is your will for me to attend Sunday school, wake me up at a timing that i will not rush."

This morning, at 0805, I woke up without anyone or anything disturbing me. Still, my flesh yearn to sleep but my spirit gave me the strength to wake up. I believe that all these are under God's plan and in fact today's Sunday school was really interesting. My class made a heart-to-heart sharing, my teacher - Victor, shared with us a video about this pastor teaching grace, and I just had sakura as a celebration for Isaac to end his 2 weeks' BMT confinement! For people whom may be interested in sermons, try www.marshillchurch.org.

Alright. I am so sleepy now. How can 7 hours of sleep cover for a 42 hours of work without sleep? I am so blessed. Good night everyone!

Since 0540 yesterday

2008-06-28T23:44:00.002+08:00

Oh gosh. I do not know whether should I praise myself for keeping awake since yesterday 540am till now without a sleep. I'm like quite zombified now.

I need to share something very miraculous today. The matter is kind of small but it does do a great impact which liften up my mood today even though I was so so tired:

I have to meet at Jurong Point at 1330 as there was an initial recce for my church youth's amazing race event today. However, at 1150 I am still at gombak deciding whether to take a cab. Before I could reach to the main road, I saw 2-3 empty cabs along the way but of course before I could wave at them, they moved off. A minute later, an empty cab came and the uncle saw me waving, instead, he just drove passed me. At that moment, there was this voice in me, saying, "Father if you do not wish me to take cab home, may all the cabs that I see are hired or may the non-hired cab go pass me." True enough, 10-14 cabs went passed me and all of them are hired! The truth is this, its a very unlikely scene as I took cab from there a couple of times, and usually it is filled with cabs. In addition to that, it was like non-peak! Thus, a voice came in, "Alright. Since it has been shown clearly to me, I shall take public transport home."

The reason why I wanted to take cab is because I wanted to reach home to put my stuff, bathe and meanwhile have sometime to rest. If i were to take public transport, it will be quite rushed for me. Praise the lord, I had quite a rest before moving off from home again.

Next, the recce team are supposed to meet at Long John Silver for lunch and initial brief. When I reached there, the place was packed with people. No seats at all. Then, there was this voice in me.

"Why not try praying?"
"Pray for seats!? This kind of small matter?"

I've began to reason out that why not I give it a try? In everything, I shall entrust to my Father, even the most basic needs. Thus, I prayed in my heart, "Father, please bless me a seat." Even before I could say Amen, I saw a couple standing up and they moved off. No one came to challenge it and thus I took the seats under the Lord's blessings. =D

During the recce, alot of ideas flowed in and the discussion was not made possible if not for the intervention of a higher calling. That session was really blessed as the proposal was almost finalized. After the recce, we headed back to watch a movie entitled, "Wanted by Angelina Jolie." I shall give this movie lots of stars for action. As for its storyline, its kind of disappointing.

Yawns. I am so so tired. I shall go and sleep.
Good night everyone!

Today

2008-06-26T21:11:00.002+08:00

Hmmm, so what did I do today? Nothing much I should say.

In the morning, I walked alot, almost 1km because wrong messages have been passed down. Supposedly to go Position A (Its 200m from the bus-stop) but I was told to go Position B (Its 600m from the bus-stop). When I finally reached Position B, I was asked to go Position A instead and the distance between A to B is about 300-400m. After the brief, I went for a hour breakfast.

The breakfast was supposed to be good as Jay zhou, Fann Wong, etc went to eat the Ba Chou Mee. However, I found that it was over rated. Probably its just different views of perspective. Then, I headed to the car and took a 1 and a half hour nap. The air con was on by the way. =X I thought that was dangerous but the owner of the car said it is okay, so it did not bother me much.

After I woke up, we, a group of 3, saw this man, wearing blue, came out from the forestation holding 6 durians on his hand. Out of curiosity, we went into the forestation to explore and we found a few durian trees filled with growing durians. There were at least 50 odd on the trees! We camped around the trees, waiting for them to drop but to our dismay, none wished for our rescue.

Awww. I spent my afternoon at home watching Card Captor Sakura movie 2. This movie depicts the end of card captor sakura. Its quite interesting and touching as compared to movie 1. Movie 1 made me fall into deep sleep.

Alright. I tried to share my daily life as you've mentioned.
But as you can see, it is not that I do not wish to share as many stuff that I do have to be coded.
Kinda sounds weird, don't you think so?

Today

2008-06-23T22:34:00.001+08:00

Oh gosh, I am so bored tonight that I went to watch Card Captor Sakura.

It used to be one of my favourite anime when I was younger. This show was played every Saturday 1pm if I'm not wrong and I would chase the episodes every weekend. However, the chase stopped when unluckily I had tuition on Saturday's afternoon.

I kind of miss my youth's youth. Lol.

Vegetarian 2

2008-06-22T20:37:00.002+08:00

Oh gosh. I ate vegetarian twice in my life before and this time round was the most unfortunate time.

The first time that I ate vegetarian was when my Sunday school teacher, Xingti, challenged us to give up the luxury of eating meat by eating vegetarian for a week. I took up the challenge and survived easily by eating mixed rice with purely vegetables daily. This time round, it was not as smooth as the previous. This is my third day and I am tempted even more as compared to the first and second day.

This morning I ate fried beehoon plus fried mee plus hashbrown and cabbage. Unluckily the cabbage was cooked with ikan billis. I had to filter them out and oh please, they were really really small and tiny.

Then in the afternoon, I went to eat lunch with my church members. They chose KFC as their location. I mean who will choose KFC to eat vegetarian? So I bought only cheese fries and went over to subway to buy a meal called Veggie Delight. As the name applies, its purely vegetables in it plus sweet onion and honey mustard. The process of eating with them was quite terrible. I saw 10 fried chickens infront of me and literally the aroma made my sense confused. For a moment, I heard the "fried" fried chicken calling out to me, "Oh Raymond, I am waiting for you..."

As for dinner, my god family bought crabs for dinner. Crabs are my favourite. But sadly I cannot eat. I have 2 more days to hang on. Tomorrow will be worst than these 3 days as I might have to literally go into starvation since the meal that my company provides are mostly meat. Nonetheless, "man do not live by bread alone." My Father shall provide.

On MRT today, I saw this really cute little girl, always full with joy, smiling around. By looking at her, no matter how sad you are, you just cannot stop yourself from smiling along with her. This shows how powerful smiles are. Anyway that is not the main story. She was so fascinated with handphone that she went and took a Bangladesh's handphone and started playing around with it. The moment she got the handphone, she was so happy that she started dancing and jumping around. It was really a great sight.

Oh ya before I end. After the combined church retreat, I fell in love with table tennis and started playing. Within this week I invented some "ultimate skills" adapted from Prince of Tennis.

The first ultimate is called Higuma Otoshi. The skill can only be used when the ball is off the table. When it is off, you will swing your bat as if you were drawing out a samurai sword. This will cause lots of side spin on the ball. The ball will fly high up and when it bounces on the table, it will bounce backwards from the initial motion, thus forcing the opponent to miss the smash. I managed to do this shot a few times and I am still practicing. The down side of this skill is that if there isn't enough spin, the opponent's success rate of smashing will be high.

The second ultimate is called the Zero Shiki Serve. The skill is used during service as the terms implied. The ball is sliced about 90 degrees, thus causing alot of backspin. The motion is such that the ball will first hit and leave your play area and to the opponent's. However when it hit the opponent's play area, the ball will somewhat spin on the spot (lag-time in bouncing) and then backwards from the initial motion. I did do this a few times but failed miserably many times. This skill requires really lots of spin and it can in fact put alot of pressure on your shoulder.

The third ultimate is called the Zero Shiki Drop Shot. The skill is used during a return ball. Quite similar to Zero Shiki Serve, the ball will go quite high up and hit the net. Once it hit the net, it will flow along with the net, thus resulting in a no-bounce return. However, the down side is that, it is not easy to hit the net always. I've only been able to do it once.

The last ultimate is called the Twist Smash. Likewise, in this skill, lots of slicing is required. This skill is used during a return ball. The ball will be returned to the opponent's court. However, instead of the ball moving forward in the direction of the force, the ball will bounce and change direction sharply. Thus, causing lots of problems for the opponent to return the ball. I did this quite a number of times.

Lol. I am kind of crazy, ain't I? My friends said I was too crazy till this shots really appeared to them. Its kind of fun to derive all these.

Vegetarian

2008-06-21T19:39:00.004+08:00

I've started eating vegetarian since yesterday morning to thank God for His blessings on Weiping's studies. Its been only 2 days and there were so many trials! Yesterday evening, I ate Ban main without meat for dinner, it tasted awful. Nonetheless, it is also a discovery that it was the meat and ikan billis that made the thingy nice.

Today is quite jialat also. My family is celebrating my sister's 16th birthday and we're having steamboat for dinner. All my favorite food, abalone, abalone mushroom, minced meat, cuttlefish ball, etc, are there. Yum yum. But cannot eat. LOL. In addition to that, to make matters worst, my sister and mum tempted me. They took the meat and swayed and smelled in front of me while we were eating. Oh my gosh!

As I'm vegetarian, I see them steamboat. Mine was a different set, a ready made soup with a few lettuce, canned mushroom (tiny brown ones), a bundle of white long small-headed mushrooms (i forgot the name for it) and a 1/5 sliced sweet corn. They tasted too healthy and the soup was like water. Shh... Keep this a secret!

I've got to hang on. =]

Genesis 2 & 3

2008-05-15T18:27:00.002+08:00

I only can say this: Take a break and rest!

Things are moving faster and faster but time still remains at 24/7. This means that you'll have lesser time to rest/ You will be leading a superb hectic life! However, this is not what God wants from us. Genesis 2:2 says "By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work." If you think about your workload is tough, how about the creation of the Earth? That's definitely alot of tedious considerations and work involved! Although the workload is alot to God, but God did not rush to complete it as seen in Genesis 1. Instead He took the creation step by step, day by day and at the seventh day, He rested and looked back to appreciate His work. Thus God wants you to work hard but work smart. Take a break and rest!

Genesis 2:15 says, "The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. And the LORD God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die." The death here does not literally means physical death. Instead it meant spiritual death. At times if we do not know the actual meaning of what God says, this is what will happen next ----

Genesis 3:1-6 says "Now the serpent (devil) was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, :"Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden?' The woman said to the serpent, "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die." "You will not surely die," the serpent said to the woman. The woman was tempted and ate the fruit and so did Adam." God gave Man the power to choose - freewill and freewill is a powerful thing that God provided. As you can see, since the very beginning, did you notice that it was not the devil that made Man to fall? The devil is not capable of doing that because at that time Man has the power over the devil. He first asked you a question. He lied somewhere. You made the decision with the influence of the lie unknowingly. After which you sin, and he claims it is you. True enough He did not lie to Eve because by eating the fruit, she will not die physically but spiritually.

As stated in the previous post that God gave the power to Man to rule over the Earth, at the point when Adam and Eve ate the fruit, they surrendered the throne to the devil. This is why before Christ came down to save us, Man is bounded to the devil. Regardless how angry our heavenly Father was at that point of time, He did not give up on us because He is loving and forgiving. He planned His Son at a point of time to reverse the effect - setting Man free once again. Genesis 3:15 says, "And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he(Christ) will crush your (devil's) head and you will strike his heel."

Meanwhile God also cursed Eve and Adam. Genesis 3:16 explains why woman will feel intense pain during birth. In addition to that Man will not go Heaven but they will return to what they was. Genesis 2:7 says, "the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being." Genesis 3:19 says,
By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground..." Man will work all their life till death.

An interesting fact: at the point when God questioned Adam and Eve, both of them pushed the blame away from themselves. Adam pushed it to Eve while Eve pushed it to the serpent. This shows us that since the beginning, Man dislikes claiming responsibility. Lol.

Genesis 1

2008-05-13T18:17:00.002+08:00

This chapter talks about how God created the world:

Day 1 - God created Light (Day) and Darkness (Night).
Day 2 - God separated water from water: Sky and Ocean.
Day 3 - God separated the waters from waters to form dry ground (Land) and gathered waters (Sea). In addition to that, God also created vegetation.
Day 4 - God created 2 great lights - the greater (Sun) to govern the day and the lesser (Moon) to govern the night. It is said that they are to serve as signs to mark seasons and days and years. (For example, a full moon). He also made the stars.
Day 5 - God created lives of the ocean and lives of the sky. He told them to be fruitful.
Day 6 - God created lives of the land and created Man in his own image. He gave Man the authority to rule over the Earth, every living thing.
Day 7 - God rested from all his work.

The creation is far too amazing!

Some interesting information which I derived from Genesis 1:

(1) Man was actually created to be a vegetarian. Genesis 1: 29 says, "Then God said, "I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food." That explains our teeth structure.

(2) Man was instructed by God to multiply. Genesis 1:28 says, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the Earth..."

(3) Man was also appointed by God to rule over the Earth. Genesis 1:28 says, "...subdue it(Earth). Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground."

(4) God used 7 days to create the world. This 7 days depicts the number of days in a week!

Learning point of Genesis 1:

I think what God tries to convey to us in Genesis 1 is not only about his creation - the beginning of the Earth.

Think about God's power. Do you think that He needs 6 days to create the Earth? I do not think so. If He wants to, I believe everything will be done in less than a day. However, He did not choose to do so. Instead, He wants to take His creation step by step, in an organized way. That is not all. He appreciates His work most of the time at the end of the day. Genesis 1: 10, 19, 31 says, "And God saw that it was good."

I believe God wants to convey to us that we need to work but work in realistic amount which does not tax you physically, mentally and spiritually. In addition to that, do not work for the sake of working. Enjoy your work by appreciating it at the end of the day. Praise yourself if you need to and thank God for that.

What a day!

2007-12-20T09:51:00.000+08:00

Yesterday morning, 10 brave soldiers went to Singapore Discovery Centre for a Crossfire paintball friendly match. There were 3 types of game play: (1) Shoot the balloon, (2) Capture the flag & (3) Last Man standing. Each type of game play was played 2 times, which the winner getting 5 points while the runner-up getting 3 points.

Thus the game started with the siren from the centre. My team ran fast and swift through the maze. I was upfront firing the balloon in stealth mode while my friends were covering fire. With 5 rounds shot out, the balloon burst and my team, Forest, gained the lead. "It was really fast!" said the game coordinator. Few seconds and all it takes. World record!

The 2nd game of shoot the balloon commence with both teams switching side. This time round, there were lots of resistance provided by the opposing team, Desert. There were concentrated fire in the middle of the maze. Desert has 2 man down with one injured & having open wound. It was due to close range shooting that resulted it and that shot was by me. (I am so sorry) Back to the scene, Desert team has 2 upfront and 1 covering their back. Luckily their aiming weren't zeroed that Ayan took down the balloon first before them. This provides us a 4 points gap.

After few minutes of rest, Capture the flag commences. The rules are simple, seeing who capture the flag first. The first game started with us losing. The second game was slightly interesting. The siren came and I ran real fast into the maze to take the flag. As I ran back, I saw lots of rounds flying towards my direction. Luckily, I was able to bring the flag back to base. Although Forest was the team to capture the flag first but the credit was given to Forest. The match now is a tie.

Last man standing! The first game was easy for team Forest as team Forest swiftly take down many which resulted in a 5v1 situation and thus Forest won. The second game was slightly difficult. Team Forest has Ayan down as he lacked ammo, Daniel and Amos got shot, leaving Weiping and me. At that moment, noticeably, we were surrounded by team Desert with one of their members behind our back. My gun had problem, so we were 1 man down. After my gun was remedied, Weiping got backstab and thus led to a 5v1 situation. Immediately I took down 2 but as my ammo was running zero, I was out of the game. Thus, team Desert won.

Overall team Desert 24: team Forest 23.

After the crossfire, all of us went to Singapore Discovery Centre for discovery. Nothing much to comment here though. Then we went separate ways...

Weiping and me went back home to prepare. She wore a black dress while I wore a green & white stripped polo T-shirt + a jeans. When we were ready, we headed to Vivocity for her church, Living Sanctuary's "Christmas Actually 2". The host was a lady whom wore red throughout like a female Santa. She was really funny and entertaining. Then there were buffet, ice cream and some jelly like dessert + white and red wine. Yesterday was my first time drinking white wine. It was superb!

Everything ended at about 1045pm and both of us went home happily. =D
I knew some friends of hers - Alex, Hui ming, Joanna, Elizabeth & Joel. =]

Hectic 2 but Fruitful 2

2007-12-03T01:17:00.000+08:00

Too many things happened this 2 days...

Yesterday was my passing out parade as a 3SG. While standing in the parade, I could not help but started laughing along with Gabriel because his mum was like dancing along as we sang the Gunner's song, which we shouldn't. Afterwhich, I went out to receive an award, Silver bayonet, which I never ever imagine I have gotten it. Really happy and pleased that God blessed me!

In between the parade, there's a session of informality where parents will enter the parade square to put out the 3SG insiginia for us. There, we took photos, after photos, lots and lots of photos. Although, this may seem to be a whole lot of achievements but it would not be so meaningful without sharing them with my family, Weiping and my friends.

After all is done,
Home,
Watch Jay Zhou's Movie - Secret,
Nap 30-45 minutes,
Far East to shop for dress with her,
Brought her to Swissotel Merchant Court for buffet,
Sent her home.

Today,
Church,
Lunch with SISPEC section mates,
Dinner at Weiping's house - really glad to be invited and the meal was really superb, 4.99/5! + really glad to be in a house full of nice and cheerful people.
Course chalet...

Happiness!

The Stages of Love.

2007-11-25T15:05:00.000+08:00

Think this is the answer...

With reference to Gary Chapman, the below is what I also believed:

There are 2 stages of love - The Obsessive stage of love (0-2 years). During this obsessive stage of love, we live under the illusionthat the person with whom we are in love is perfect. We have other irrational thoughts such as the Hollywood-kind of saying, "I cannot live without her/him." In this stage of love, differences are minimized or denied. We just know that we are happy, that we have never been happier, and we intend to keep this forever. This stage doesn't require lots of effort. It just comes naturally and that is why people always say, "I think I fell in love with so and so."

It is in this obsessed stage of love that most people get married, and others start living together. The whole relationsip has been effortles. We have been swept along by the heightened emotions of the "in love" obsession. Because of the lack of depth in the relationship, which means relationship not tested at all, many married couples divorce after 5 years and as for unmarried couples break-up, they move on and ended up with other guy/lady in this vicious cycle. You may feel discouraged about this truth but one thing we have to recognised here is that love is a commitment to each another. However, in this stage, there isn't much of a commitment.

The next stage of love is the covenant love. This is very different from passionate love (stage 1). In coventant love, passion must be fed and nurtured. It will not continue to flow simply because we remain in the relationship. The obsessiveness we have had for each other begins to fade, and we recognise that there are other important persuits in life in addition to pursuing each other. The illusions of perfection begins to evaporate.

Every differences begin to appear infront of you. You begin to focus on yourself and realise that your lover is no longer meeting your needs. So you begin to question your love for him/her, whether are you all meant for each another. So you begin to request and demand of the person, and when things turn out to under your expectations, you withdraw, lash out in anger, or initiates a breakout. Your anger or withdrawal pushes your lover further away and makes it more difficult for him/her to express love to you.

Many always think that such tarnished relationship can never be reborn. However the answer is yes. But that is if both couple are willing to persue the understanding of the nature of love and starts to apply the knowledge, to learn how to express love in a language which other person can receive. The couple may be dating or married, but they must move to the next stage (Covenant love) or the relationship will end.

Covenant love is conscious love. It is intentional love. It is a commitment to love no matter what. It requires thought and action. It does not wait for the encouragement of warm emotions but chooses to look out for the interest of the lover because you are committed to the other's well-being. Covenant love requires two factors: knowledge of the nature of love and the will to love.

If you are in a relationship and you are about to enter stage two, reconsider before doing anything foolish because it is not about your welfare but it is also about the other party and others (ie parents, etc) if you had involved them.

Anyway, whether are you in a relationship or not, it is good to learn to speak love and appreciation in a language the other person can receive, not yours please. If the person receives in a way you need to tell him/her, speak out. If the person receives in action, do it. Learning to speak love in a language is the key to enhance all human relationships.

Hope you find this post interesting and applicable to your situation. If you want to know more about it, a book to recommend is "The five love languages (for people in a relationship) or The five love languages for singles (for singles) by Gary Chapman."

Today

2007-11-18T18:28:00.000+08:00

Fell asleep infront of the computer while waiting. Before sleeping I was like already sick, so the phalgm was like stucked around my throat. It was really uncomfortable. What was worst is this: As I lay my head on the pillow like how normally a normal person will do, the mucus from my nose start flowing backwards to my throat area. They compounded and thus created a land drowning effect. I could not breathe properly, felt very choky and vommitty. Think I knocked off somehow luckily.

Went church this morning but before going, I will always ask 2 of my friends out - Amos and Yue Hern for breakfast and standard, we will will always eat the same old stuff, Ban Mian dry + Teh Ice. Always loved to sunday school but lost interest somehow for at least a year or so. God brought me back again and I am happy that I did not give up just like that.

These many many months, I really struggled alot, sliding backwards spiritually. However I did not just give up like that. I perservere on to attend church although I didn't really listen. Just one fine day, God told me, "It's time to come back to me."

Likewise, after church, the youths and the young adults will go out for some fellowship lunch. Smiliarly, either KFC or Kopitiam and today was KFC. Afterwhich, I went to my pastor's house for rehearsal. Our church will be organising a carolling on 24th december and I will be involved in a skit, acting as Santa and presenting to the audience signing languages. If you're interested, feel free. Carolling is one of the most memorable events.

Pro Evolution Soccer 2008 is really fun. Very different gameplay and graphics from PES 2007/6. It is very realistic and therefore it is also very hard to play. Nonetheless, I shall give it a 9/10. Training really hard now to get back the form I had in PES 6. So come on, let's challenge!

In about 2 hours' time, I will book in. Now slacking quietly at home waiting for things to happen, lol. My whole family went out to pick up my grandfather who just alighted in Singapore from Malaysia. Cannot wait to see him even though we have certain language barrier. He is really the nicest guy on Earth who loves his sons and daughters, and everything of theirs unconditionally. I seriously desire to be like him one fine day...

What a Day!

2007-11-17T19:40:00.000+08:00

Yesterday night went out for a gathering with my friends whom I haven't meet for quite somewhile. Its really nice to see them once again, knowing that they are still the same - One with a mudlip hairstyle while the other still the same old retro-style. The organiser (Mudlip hairstyle) gathered some of us to Timberland for drinks to catch-up but there wasn't any space, so we went to an alternative which was like 1km away.

We went in, bought a drink - Vodka Sprite, and swoop! All gone. Its really too little for a $15 cost. Too many ice cubes and too little liquid. Thus, we ordered more. Didn't know I am such a good drinker. Although after shots, I am still awake but I realised my legs always feel weak after drinking. At first, we agreed to leave at 1am but really did have lots of fun and thus extended till 230am. However, towards the last hour, it was getting abit boring because of tiredness. Reached home about 4am.

Went swimming after a few hours of sleep. The sun wasn't that good today though. Too much cloud till they blocked away the direct sunlight. Nonetheless swam as usual just that it was 20 laps instead of the usual 30 because I really need to rest for the upcoming major exercise - Exercise Giant.

After a long swim, went back home to change and head out for Jurong Point. Dated my mum and my sister for a movie - Hero. Doubt my mum understood much about the movie since its narrated in Japanese, but I think she kinda enjoyed looking at the main actor. Haha. Overall, I would give the movie 3.5/5 inclusive of 0.5 for its moral of the story - "Never Give Up."

The craze now in Singapore is not about which actress is the hottest, not about who and who are together, but about DONUTS. Everywhere has donuts. I brought them to a donut stall and bought 7 of them. They all look tasty, plainly because they're filled with chocolates. The total cost was $7.80, buy 6 get 1 free.

Phew. The day ended with me back at home... Tired but on the whole, it was fruitful.

Feeling really downz.

2007-11-16T19:29:00.000+08:00

This year is really a terrible year, trails after trials, temptations after temptations, problems after problems, have passed and move on but there was not any gap of rest in between. I am not strong enough. I am going to break down soon... Its just the matter of time.

BGR problems -> Really good friends -> Friends -> Hatred. Now what? I am feeling so terrible. My family is facing crisis, especially my mum. I love her alot but she is suffering, yet I am unable to do anything. How unfilial.

My freedom gone. My closest gone. My control gone.
Hatred came. Problems came. Failures came.
My life gone.

Praise to God!

2007-11-09T12:48:00.000+08:00

Hope you enjoy it.

Dust + Dust = More Problems!

2007-11-09T09:39:00.000+08:00

Woke up real early this morning, hence really did not have much to do. Thus, I decided to do some area cleaning with my room. If you know me, you would say that is necessary!

I packed my cupboards, my shelves, my floor, my bed, and then my table. I realised there was so much and so much dust. Its been a long while since I last packed, which I believe its about 3 months ago. Its really alot and it almost killed my nose. Mucus all around, sneezing every 3-5 minutes, till my nose turned red and was about to drop.

Dust is like Problems but of course it cannot be vice versa. A little dust and you attend to it, it will be very easy to handle. However, if you leave it and run away from it due to laziness or etc, it will accumulate by itself, making things harder to handle, tougher to deal. Likewise for problems. At times, when we feel really tough about something, or the problem is too complicated for us to handle, or even if the problem is so minute, we usually choose to escape. However, till the time where things really get out of hand, and we finally realised, its really out of your hands.

I went through my room and I saw this postcard. There was some words written on it as such:

"Remember this?

'In times of difficulties, don't ever say 'God, I have a big problem, but instead, hi problems I have a big God.'

I like this alot. Hope it'll always be with you too."

If you face any problems and I mean any, be it small or big, remind yourself this, and you shall be at peace. God bless.

I have once passed it to you and you passed it back to me during inspiration unveiled. Its now my turn for you to have it.

What if you can see the future?

2007-11-08T22:22:00.001+08:00

"Argh! How I wish I could have done this/that?"
"Argh! If only..."

Sounds familiar? What not make ifs come true? Assuming you could see your own future or better still, you could go back to the past and change it, what will you do? Take either case, and do not take both if not its too imba. Will you still allow what is pre-planned for you to be carried out that way? Doubt so eh.

If you really can see your own future, then you have no future because you will sure change your future to something you desire. Humans are selfish. Imagine one day you met a car accident and die and just in time you have a choice to make - to revert back time or not to, what will you choose? In most circumstances I would say that most will choose to revert back time and disturb the time frame, for example you ate chocolate cake->walked street 32->decided to jay walk->death, maybe you will have change the time line by eating cheese cake instead. Ha ha you're so funny, you maybe thinking. But haven't you heard this phrase, "Everything that happens has a cause and effect"?

So what if you survived? At that point of time, one life has to disappear, what if your life was exchanged by someone else, someone very close to you?

For those who are weary, always thinking about your future, your life, you current status, here is a promise from God:

"To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born, And a time to die;
A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted;
A time to kill, And a time to heal;
A time to break down, And a time to build up;
A time to weep, And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, And a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to gain, And a time to lose;
A time to keep, And a time to throw away;
A time to tear, And a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, And a time to speak;
A time to love, And a time to hate;
A time of war, And a time of peace."
(Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)

If you are sick and tired of saying, "What ifs...", stop saying.
If you are a failure in living your own life the way you want it to be, its okay because you are not born to be good at that.
Ifs.

Leave everything to God! Cast your burdens to Him and He will lead your path straight. Since you cannot dictate your own time, why not not dictate and be patient to wait for God's timing which He has already planned just for You and Me.

L.O.V.E

2007-11-08T11:05:00.000+08:00

2 hours ago...

Always put lots of emphasis on relationships.
It is my strength and my weakness.
One by one I have lost.
Too much, I cannot come back anymore.
I have lost.

(Am I dumb, stupid or idiotic?

Even though she doesn't love me anymore
And she had fell in love with other guy
I still stand strong to stay by her.

I am enduring every pain every second
Without letting her know
So that it will not affect her life.

Pray for someone whom caused me pain.
Encourage someone whom broke my heart.
Kept initiating things to show that I am strong.

But actually I am not.
I have lost...

Am I dumb, stupid or idiotic?)

Now...

Hoo. The power of emotions. The above was badly influenced by my negative emotions after listening to a song and certain bad news. But now that I am in peace after going out for a breather, the way I think now is way different.

Emotions are the necessity of life given by God, so that our life is beautify by them and not being monotonous. They can come in many many forms - Happiness, Sadness, Jealousy, Joy, Peace, etc. Each and every one brings across different form of messages and stimulates different way of thinking and actions. For example, when you do something wrong and you know it, you feel guilty. That is how emotions work.

Emotions are very powerful. They can be generated by 3 forms of beings - God, Us and The Devil. Now that I reconsidered what I have typed 2 hours ago, I realised the above were lies caused by the devil. He made used of my weakness, made use of my jealousy, etc to inculcate negative thoughts so that I will look down on myself hence make me more prone to sinning.

Now that I am at peace, this is what I am going to say:

"Always put lots of emphasis on relationships. It is my strength and my weakness. One by one I have lost. Too much, I cannot come back anymore. I have lost. "

Through the grace of God, I can come back. I have lost everything in life but that doesn't matter because God is always there for me. Through Him, I can pick myself up, step by step from ground level, to be led by Him back to the top.

(Am I dumb, stupid or idiotic? Even though she doesn't love me anymore And she had fell in love with other guy I still stand strong to stay by her. I am enduring every pain every second Without letting her know So that it will not affect her life. Pray for someone whom caused me pain. Encourage someone whom broke my heart. Kept initiating things to show that I am strong. But actually I am not. I have lost... Am I dumb, stupid or idiotic?

No I am not. Yes, she may not love me anymore and love someone else, but does it matter? I said I love her and God said love is unconditional. So regardless of what happens, I still love. God commanded, "Love your neighbours as yourself, even your enemies." I may hate her but still I love her. That is agape love.

Yes I know what you are going to think or say. I am foolish, ain't I? But this is what I am going to reply: This is not wishful thoughts for I am obeying what my Father taught me. God is always showing us an ongoing example of such love.

You always sin against God, do you? Does it give God many reasons to hate you? Very much. But what did he chose to do? He forgive and continue to stay by your side, to support you always, to encourage you when you are down, even if you disregard his existence or you forget about Him, He still waits patiently to the day you return to Him. Because He Loves You.

You must be thinking so what does God's example do with us? Till end life, as christians, are we not moving towards Christ likeness or are we moving towards what the world defines how we should present ourselves?

Life is All about Choices!

2007-11-04T14:43:00.000+08:00

This year is really a bad year for me. Too many unfortunate events happened throughout the year: Denial of 2 years of my life, entering school which I didn't opt for, friend leaving and much much more. These series of events really did cause lots of pain and made me lose all my hope in life. At times, I really regret being a Christian...

God give humanity many of his promises. They sound and look the most perfect when one starts to hear and imagine. But there is a saying, "No Pain No Gain." A Christian life was and is never easy.

I am not born a Christian. My life before I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and personal saviour, I led my life through feelings. The focus was on self. As long as I felt good, that is all it matters. Never did I consider the consequences or how others felt. If you know me, I am a solo-player. After I accepted Christ, things became much different. The Word of God starts flowing through your veins, and everything is about what God says. It is really very contradicting in the way how God wants us to live and the way we choose to live. From that point of time, I began to have many choices and it all classifies under 2 main category, (1) God-directed [Knowing] or (2) World-directed [Feeling].

Now, life is getting even tougher. You have to base your judgements under 2 influences, knowing what is right and feeling right. In most circumstances, people rather choose to feel right than what is right. Easiest to talk, about relationships. Couples come together because they felt right with one another. They began to explore into deeper relationship as one and at the end, ended up as individuals again. So, how do we explain such phenomena? Does not this proves that feeling right is not equavalant to what is right? In short, an advise is to appreciate this reality and decide under peace, knowing what is right and not what felt right.

I find it really amusing (pardon me) always, when people find excuses to defend themselves even when they are in the wrong. Excuses just prove that you have Inferiority Complex. It does not help to correct any bit of what has already happened. The irony is: It is not as if we do not have a choice to decide. Our creator gave us the free will. People know what is not right but they still choose to do and when consequences fall upon them, they wanna push the blame to others.

Just like the story of Adam and Eve:

"And the Lord god commanded the man, 'You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die." (Genesis 2:16-17)

God told Adam specifically not to eat from the tree of knowledge. It was a clear instruction. Moreover, God helped Adam to weigh the consequences. And the consequences are spiritual death, denial to eternity, etc. But what has happened? Both Adam and Eve knows it, say it but did not live it. They "felt" it was okay and thus ate. When God questioned, Adam blamed Eve and Eve blamed the serpent. So how? Whose fault is it? The Serpent? The serpent only suggested but at the end of the day it was both Adam and Eve's decisions.

The circumstances on me really made me felt like shit. At times, I subdue to it in believing that I am no value to the society because I am such a failure. I have lost many, too much to count. I dare not say I lived my life fully for others but most of the times, I put others first more than I put myself. Sometimes I really regret doing that because others do not do that for me, but still I have to obey what God says...

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:6-7)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,' declares the Lord" (Jeremiah 29: 11-14)

In Conclusion, for non-christians know what is right and do what is right; avoid doing through feelings. Do not wait till the point where you regret and everything is not under your control. Feelings are irrational. As for christians, always hang on to God. Never turn back even if you feel really uncomfortable. As long as God says this, do this because loving Him is through obedience to Him.

2007-11-02T19:56:00.001+08:00

Waking up to find another day
The moon got lost again last night
But now the sun has finally had its say
I guess I feel alright

But it hurts when I think
When I let it sink in
It's all over me
I'm lying here in the dark
I'm watching you sleep, it hurts a lot

& all I know is
You've got to give me everything
Nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me
I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

All I wanted was to know I'm safe
Don't want to lose the love I've found
Remember when you said that you would change
Don't let me downIt's not fair how you are
I can't be complete, can you give me more?
& all I know is
You got to give me everything
& nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

Oh please, you know what I need
Save all your love up for me
We can't escape the love
Give me everything that you have

& all I know isYou got to give me everything
& nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

(Give you everything)
(Give you all of me)

Hear From God: He is always there for you

2007-10-21T18:10:00.000+08:00

I was shopping alone yesterday at Jurong point before I went to swim and I realised there were so many changes there. I went down to the basement and found Popular taking over Liberty Market. It was really bright there. There were many books and I began browsing starting from the section, entitled, "Self-Help." I did so because I hope that through this 2 years in National Service, I could improve myself as a person, and my skills in life.

I saw a lot of books, very attractive ones such as:
(1) The 5 languages of Love
(2) 69 Rules of Love
(3) How to win friends and influence people
(4) Etc etc.

I really wanted to buy one though but I didn't. Thus I went up to Life bookshop for a look. Then I saw these few books, which once again are very attractive such as:

(1) How to read the bible?
(2) Answers to life questions through the bible.
(3) Etc etc.

Then one book caught my eye and that was "How to HEAR FROM GOD" by Joyce Meyer. I do not know whether is it coincidental but I thought the reason for me to purchase it has a purpose behind just as we talk today, and you said you want to hear from Him.

Truth #1: God is always there for you!

"If the above is the truth, how come I do not experience it?" One may ask.
"I pray alot but I can't hear God answer my prayers!" One may ask.

Its a sad truth that many do not experience such entitlement which God provides us not because God did not answer but because of the world we live in. The world makes it easy for us to fill our ears with all kinds of Earthly things that kept God's voice far into the background of our lives. In fact, God is always trying to speak to us, just that our life is so hectic that we fail to detect his presence. So STOP AND LISTEN!

First, we need to accept this truth that nothing can satisfy us except God. "My soul yearns for You in the night, yes, my spirit within me seeks You earnestly" (Isaiah 26:9).

Hearing from God is important so as to enjoy God's eternal plan for our lives. However, listening to him is up to our choice; no one else can make it for us. There's a saying, the success of repentance is dependant on how much you want it. God will not force us to choose His will, but He will do everything He can to encourage us to say yes to HIs ways.

Proverbs 3:7 says, "Be not wise in your own eyes." From the day Adam and Eve fell, we are born sinners and even after we are saved, our sins are forgiven through Jesus' blood but we are not yet perfect. Thus, what this verse means is that do not even think about running your life and do a good job without God's help and direction because its impossible.

How can we hear God? There are many ways which we can hear God and to each individual, the way God speaks to us differs. The below are some ways which God will speak to us:
(1) The Word of God - Bible
(2) Friends
(3) Pictures
(4) Speak to you directly (Not many are able to enjoy)
"How come I have never experience either of these?" One may ask. STOP AND LISTEN!

The Bible teaches that God has a good plan for all those who will put their faith in Jesus Christ as Lord of their lives. His plan is complete in great detail, and it will lead all who follow Him to an abundant life. If you want to hear from Him, first learn to trust in Him.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:6-7)

NEVER hesitate to talk to or ask from God. God desires to hear from you, every single detail of your life - from small matter to big ones and do not be shy to ask Him for help. He is our Father and He has promised us to prosper us and not to harm us, thus do not think that we will trouble God if we ask Him for too much help. That is an excuse!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,' declares the Lord" (Jeremiah 29: 11-14)

Expect Him to speak to you.
John 16:13 says, "For He will not speak His own message; but He will tell whatever He hears from the Father; He will give the message that has been given to Him, and He will announce and declare to you the things that are to come."
God knows that we would need help in hearing Him and in understanding His plan for us, so He sent the Holy Ghost to dwell in us. (John 1:32-33). So be patience, and let go of yourself to allow the Holy Spirit guide you along.

John 14:15-20, Jesus explained:
"If you love me, you will keep my commands. And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Comforter, that he may reamin with you forever - The Spirit of Truth, Whom the world cannot receive because it does not see Him or know and recognize Him... I will not leave you as orphans..."

Expect to Hear from Him. God cares about the desires of your heart. (Matthew 10:30) and He wants to reveal truth to you so that you will not worry and fear. If you do not expect Him to speak to you or expect yourself to hear from Him, even if he does, subconsciously, you chose not to. There is a saying, "One wins half the battle without it even starting, when One belives that winning the battle is going to happen."

Be humble and ask Him to talk to us. (Luke 11:13) He will speak through the Holy spirit, whom help us understand God's will and guide us in accordance to His will.

In summary, for God to speak to us, first we have to change our attitude by:
(1) Trusting in Him
(2) Never hesitate involving Him in our life
(3) Always expect God to reply to your prayers
(4) Be humble and ask for His guidance.

Love.

2007-10-19T20:26:00.000+08:00

Love. What is love? How does one defines love?
There are 2 definitions about love - the World's definition and God's definition.

The World defines Love as:
(1) Primarily for the fulfillment and comfort of self
(2) Primarily a feeling
(3) Is beyond our control

To feel love is not wrong but in most cases, we tend to put our feelings the upmost priority of measuring love, we put ourselves as the main importance. In fact, our feelings by themselves do not do others one bit of good.

By stressing the importance of feelings, most of the time, we forget the importance of putting love in action. And when we evaluate the quality of our love for someone else, simply by our own fulfillment, we are being selfish.

Have we always wonder why people say that they are falling in love? Why "fall" and not others? What do these statements reveal about our attitdues toward love? Part of the reason we make these overstated and illogical reasoning is because the word "fall" removes personal responsibilities. If a person falls into a pit, what he/she can do about it?

1 Corinthians 13:4-8, Paul said:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, awlays perserveres. Love never fails."

The bible has very different views about love. God defines love by pointing to his one and only beloeved Son. This was also the only way which we may be saved through the shedding of Jesus Christ's blood. And all who find forgiveness and life through Jesus are called to follow in His steps - to love others because He first loved us (1 John 4:19).

"If anyone would come after me," Jesus said, "he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." (Matthew 16:24).

Jesus Christ taught love. And his definition of love is that love is not for the fulfillment of self but for the glory of God and the good of others. True love is selfless. It gives; it sacrifices; it dies to its own needs.

"Greater love has no one than this," Jesus said, "that he lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13).

True love is not measured or governed by feeling. Christ demonstrated. He went to the cross when every emotion and instinct in His body told Him not to turn himself in. Mark 14:32-34 says, They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his disciples, "Sit here while I pray." He took Peter, James and John along with him, and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death, " he said to them. "Stay here and keep watch." Jesus clearly did not feel like enduring the beatings, hanging, humilation on the cross, and enduring God's wrath for sin.

Did Jesus Christ deserved that? Was he obliged to do it for us? No. But because God love us and therefore He is willing to send his one and only beloved Son down to Earth to die for our sins. (John 3:16).

"If you love me, you will obey what I command." (John 14:15). True love always expresses itself in obedience to God and service to others.

Good feelings are nice but not necessary.

Jesus's example also shows us that love is under our control. He chose to love us. He chose to lay down His life for us. We have a choice to love and we should base our love through choice.

"If we can fall in love (world's definition), we can also fall out of love. But not for God's love."

Therefore, we can express true love in obedience to God and service to others - not reckless or selfish behavior - and we can choose this behaviors.